We’re all guilty of being on our phones too much. Because our kids have grown up surrounded by screens, this level of phone use can start to feel normal, for them and us.
But when does everyday scrolling cross the line into something that interferes with sleep, mood, focus, and real connection with your kids, partner, and others in your life?
These questions are being asked more and more as communities, schools and countries start to make policy changes to tone down phone and social media use. Australia recently made headlines by banning social media for kids under 16. The ban was put in place to protect kids and teens from unhealthy and unsafe social media content that can be negative, manipulative and addictive.
In New Jersey, state officials recently launched a public awareness campaign around “technoference,” a term used to describe what happens when technology gets in the way of healthy relationships. According to a New Jersey Department of Children and Families survey of nearly 2,500 parents, 72 percent admit they use their phones too much when they’re with their kids—and 69 percent say their children have told them they wish their parents would spend less time on their phones.
The reality is that technology is big part of our daily lives and while banning phones altogether is not realistic, most of us wish we could decrease our screen time and be more intentional about putting devices down when we’re with our kids. Many of us also agree phones are a huge distraction in the classroom, and more and more schools have been implementing phone-free policies with positive results.
How can we begin to create healthier phone habits and be more intentional about giving our kids our undivided attention? We spoke with Allison Devlin, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical director of Serenium Therapy & Wellness, a New Jersey–based mental health and wellness practice with over 75 licensed mental health professionals, about how to do just that. Serenium recently launched a 30-Day Digital Reset program designed to set healthy boundaries around phone use for the whole family.
We asked Devlin how phone overuse shows up in families, the ways parents may be modeling bad habits without realizing it, and what small, doable changes we all can make to help us reconnect with our kids.
New Jersey Family: Most of us agree we are all on our phones way too much. What are the most common ways heavy (and even mindless) phone use affects families, and how does it start affecting mood, sleep, and daily connection?
Allison Devlin: When it comes to each individual, this kind of use can make it more difficult to fall asleep, to focus on tasks, and in things like doom scrolling, can change your mood to one that feels anxious, sad, or even afraid. In children, those who become accustomed to being on the phone, when it’s taken away, they can begin to have tantrums even in grade school. Collectively, when we’re spending more time on our phone, we’re spending less quality time with our family. Kids mimic what their parents do many times, so if your go-to is to be on your phone or to give your child your phone, it might be time to consider ways you can begin to decrease these habits and better connect as a family.
NJF: What are some phone habits we as parents might be modeling without realizing that it could be shaping our kids’ phone use?
AD: It can be something like giving your child a phone or tablet to play with to keep them quiet or occupied too often instead of interacting with them. It can also look like being on your phone more often than not when your child asks you to play or wants to talk to you. It can look like the social media video you’re watching is more entertaining, more interesting, or more important than your child when they can’t seem to get or hold your attention. Young children are quite honest and even at 3 or 4 years old will start to tell you that you’re always on your phone.
NJF: You compare phone use to food: something we need, but too much or unbalanced use can lead to struggles. How does this analogy help parents understand both their kids’ scrolling and their own reliance on screens?
AD: In 2025, it’s extremely difficult to not use your phone at all. It’s become our camera, our computer, our GPS, and essentially a piece of technology we can’t live without. Just like food, we need our phone at the very least to stay in touch with loved ones and use it for work. Yet, similar to food, too much of something can be detrimental to our health. If you eat bad foods often, you could possibly get diabetes or heart problems, for example. When we use our phone nonstop to consume bad news, when we’re scrolling until we fall asleep, or when we are still answering work emails at 10 pm at night, it starts to create an excess of technology leading to trouble sleeping, excess worry and fear, and in some cases signs of anxiety, depression, or even ADHD.
NJF: What are the first signs that phone use is becoming unhealthy for a child or a parent?
AD: In children or adults, if you can’t put it away for more than a few hours without feeling uncomfortable, that’s a big sign. In children, you’ll see the response typically in the form of tantrums or perceived obsession of only wanting to be on the phone and not interested in doing anything else. In adults, it can look like anxiousness, feeling out of sorts or like you’re missing out; and in teens and adults, excessive use can lead to distractions from other things that need to get done, feeling a high sense of worry, or feeling like if you don’t respond immediately to a text, email, or social interaction, that you may not be liked or as though you’re not working hard enough even though it’s 10 pm at night, for example.
NJF: What are a few small, doable changes families can try, either at dinner, before bed or another time, that can make a difference?
AD: As a family, you can create no phone zones. An easy one to start with is that at dinner, phones are put in another room and it’s a time to chat and learn more about one another. Replacing one habit with another is helpful, too. Instead of scrolling on the phone, replace that activity with a book at night you read or read to your children.
NJF: Talk to us about your 30-Day Digital Reset program designed to help technology be a healthy part of your life without having it negatively affect your relationships, sleep and mental well-being. How does the program work?
AD: Our 30-Day Digital Reset Program includes a clinical intake where our clinician learns more about you to get you ready for the program. Then it includes 4 sessions with a therapist either in person at one of our locations or virtually online. It also includes weekly homework with actionable things to implement to help you reset. Anytime we’re doing more of things we may not want to or when we feel stressed and overwhelmed, it’s important to understand what the underlying emotion is and where it stems from. For some it’s understanding why they are actually using the phone to cure feelings of loneliness or boredom or wanting to feel constantly needed. This program helps you understand more of what’s causing the digital burnout with actionable tips to implement so you can reset and refocus on what matters most.
NJF: Is this just for parents or the whole family?
AD: This program is for ages 16 to adult. Kids learn very often from watching what their parents do. So if a parent takes the program, they can begin to implement new habits and help their kids understand more of what they’re craving – attention, connection, and entertainment, and help them find ways to discover it in the healthiest ways possible.
NJF: The program has week-to-week goals, During the second week, you help people figure out what they’re really craving (i.e. stress relief or escape) when they reach for their phones. What patterns do you see most often in parents?
AD: Although it can vary from person to person, we’ve seen things such as feeling like they don’t want to disappoint their boss or clients, to feeling like they have to keep up with what they think others are doing on social media, to using the phone to scroll as a moment to decompress. For many this can be needing an escape to relax, to issues with pleasing people or even sometimes, insecurities around where they think they should be in life compared to others.
NJF: How do you teach parents to set boundaries as far as phone use and help them reconnect with their kids without devices?
AD: A big one is turning off notifications or silencing notifications at certain times of the day. It can also be about putting boundaries in place all the time, like not adding the work email to integrate with your personal email, putting limits on social media so your phone locks you out of those apps, or setting up family events where you are actively doing things together, like bowling or mini golf.
NJF: What can people expect after they complete the 30-Day Digital Reset? Are there follow-up check-ins?
AD: If more concerns are uncovered that a client wants to work through, they can continue regular therapy sessions once a week. We also have our 6-month wellness check-in for all of our clients who successfully complete their goals. For those interested, we contact them 6 months from their final visit to see how things are going. We find that helps us see those who have found the tools helpful but also an opportunity to come back if another life event comes up they want to discuss in therapy like grief, job loss, or even a new baby.
NJF: Is the program done virtually or in person?
AD: We offer the program for anyone in the state of New Jersey virtually and in person at our locations in Brick, Cranford, Manalapan and soon Hackensack. Because this is a digital reset program, if you live close, we recommend in-person sessions, but we can work with any clients successfully in virtual sessions as well.
NJF: Is this program covered by insurance and if not, is there a payment plan?
AD: Yes, for this and any of our therapy services, Serenium accepts most insurance plans. You can view our full list here. However, if you’d like to pay out of pocket, we do have options for that as well.
NJF: How long has the 30-Day Digital Reset been in place so far and what are your high-level takeaways so far?
AD: We’ve had many clients in therapy, kids, teens and adults, and in couples therapy, too, where the use of the phone was causing stress, anxiety, and disconnection. With the continued growth of technology use and what we were seeing in sessions, we decided to create our own Serenium™ branded 30 Day Digital Rest Program for phone and social media to create a more focused and curated program for an experience many are struggling with.
Read More:
New Jersey Urges Parents to Take a ‘Tech Timeout’ to Reconnect With Their Kids
Are Your Kids Phone-Obsessed? Here’s How to Reduce Screen Time
Could a Ban on Cell Phones in Every Public Classroom in NJ Become a Reality?
