Academic stress, peer pressure, mental health struggles, drinking, sex, online safety—the list of worries we have as parents of teens is long. But there’s one worry that likely hasn’t crossed your radar but should: sextortion. The FBI and experts in childhood trauma say it’s a threat all parents and teens need to understand.
Just last month, Elijah Heacock, a junior at Caverna High School in Glasgow, Kentucky, took his life after becoming a victim of online sextortion. Described as a teen who loved to laugh and hang out with his best friend, Elijah played tennis, ran track, and was excited about getting his driver’s license. His parents say he showed no signs of depression. After the unthinkable happened, investigators searched his phone for answers and discovered AI-generated images—some sexually explicit. These images came with a direct threat to the teen: pay $3,000 or risk having those photos shared publicly.
What is Sextortion?
Sextortion is a form of child sexual exploitation where predators use threats or blackmail involving private or sexual content to demand money. Experts estimate about 1 in 20 adolescents has encountered attempts at sextortion. More than 20 youth suicides have been directly connected to sextortion over the last three years, according to the FBI.
The speed at which sextortion starts and escalates is alarming—and something all parents need to understand. It typically begins when someone unknown contacts your teen online, often through social media, gaming platforms, or apps. Scammers tend to target teen boys, often using AI-generated images to pose as teen girls.
After a connection is made, they may send explicit photos or videos and ask a teen boy to do the same. Once they have those images, they demand money and threaten to publicly share the images if payment is not made immediately. In many cases, victims might not have sent anything explicit, but AI can put their picture on someone else’s body.
Trapped And Alone
“Many teens feel trapped, fooled, or ashamed when sextortion happens,” says Maureen A. Brogan, program director at the Traumatic Loss Coalitions for Youth (TLC) and the Children’s Center for Resilience and Trauma Recovery (CCRTR) at Rutgers University Behavioral Health Care. “It’s connected to higher risks for mood disorders and even suicidal thoughts because they feel there’s no way out.”
That’s why Brogan says it’s so important to have conversations with your kids as early as possible. These conversations can start in simple terms with parents explaining stranger danger and concepts like privacy and consent to young kids.
“The sooner you have conversations with children, the better off they are,” Brogan says. “Even younger children should understand what’s private—photos, videos, personal information. If someone asks you to share something private, it’s okay to say no, even if they seem nice.”
Here’s what experts advise when talking to your kids about the dangers of online sextortion:
“Start by acknowledging that this is a very difficult topic to talk about and ask them if they are okay to talk with you about it now or if they prefer to talk later,” says Tamar Kahane, Psy.D, founder of The Kahane Center in Englewood and a licensed clinical psychologist. “Once they feel understood and respected about how uncomfortable and hard it is to talk about this topic, they will likely be more willing to talk with you about it.”
Ask your kids what they know first and explain sextortion using age-appropriate language. “For a younger child, you may want to just discuss online safety,” says Dr. Kahane, who also founded the Powers Program For Developmental and Psychological Well-Being (powersprogram.com). “You may want to then ask your child if they understand the connection between sextortion and suicide. Emphasize that this is a tragic outcome.”
“Reassure them that there are always people who can help, no matter how bad they may feel,” Dr. Kahane says.
“As parents, we have to be okay with the fact that we might not always be the first person our child goes to,” Brogan says. “But we need to ensure they have trusted adults they can speak with.”
Reassure your kids that if something like this happens, “it’s normal to feel scared, embarrassed, or upset,” Brogan says. It’s crucial that they hear parents say: “It’s not your fault. I’m here for you. I’m here to help.”
Prepare your kids. Talking about this is both hard and awkward, which is why it’s crucial that parents ask questions, listen and respond without judgment, Brogan says. “We want young people to have a safety plan before something happens,” she says, adding that parents should review with their kids how they would respond and who they would tell if they were targeted.
Empower your kids to trust themselves if something makes them feel uncomfortable, Dr. Kahane says. “Ultimately, your relationship with your child will serve as a template for them to learn and feel competent and confident about setting boundaries with other people.”
Remember that connection is protection, says Brogan. “We can’t protect our kids 24/7, but we do a better job if they feel connected to trusted adults and know they’re not alone,” she adds.
Here’s a list of resources and information every family should know about:
2NDFLOOR (2ndfloor.org): a state-funded hotline that offers free, anonymous and confidential professional support 24/7 about everything from mental health and bullying to threats, substance abuse, and more.
Traumatic Loss Coalitions for Youth Program (TLC): a state-funded program that provides support to communities affected by traumatic events such as homicide, illness, and suicide.
NJ Child Assault Prevention (NJ CAP): a state-funded program dedicated to preventing child abuse, neglect and bullying in New Jersey’s 21 counties.
In 2023, New Jersey legislation criminalizing sextortion established using explicit sexual images to extort victims as a third-degree crime.
Navigating Deepfake Nudes: A Guide to Talking to Your Child About Digital Safety (A Downloadable Guide)
Read More:
7 College Campus Safety Tips Parents Should Reinforce With Their Teens
Jennifer Salvato Doktorski’s ‘Finding Normal’ Offers a Powerful Look at Eating Disorders
Get the latest on the best things to do with your family in and around New Jersey by signing up for our newsletter and following us on Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram.
