The reasons parents consider private school are many: smaller class sizes and individualized academics, first-rate facilities and well-funded extra-curriculars, family tradition and a preference for a faith-based education, plus any number of things that are uniquely personal to each family. If you’re thinking about making the leap from public to private, here’s what admissions professionals would like you to know:
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS ‘PRIVATE SCHOOL KIDS’
Private schools welcome all perspectives and backgrounds— racial, religious and economic. “No matter your background there is a best-fit independent school with incredible programs, faculty, and support systems that can’t wait to meet your family,” says Sarah Ellerton, director of Admission and Financial Aid at Morristown Beard School. “There isn’t a certain ‘type’ of student or family that we’re looking for.”
LEARNING STYLE MATTERS – AND PARENTS NEED TO AGREE ON WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE
“If you want a nurturing Montessori school and your spouse wants a traditional, religious education, someone—usually the child—will end up unhappy,” says Ellerton. “Having every member of your family on the same page from the start will save you time, money and energy through your search.”
Emi Ithen, the director of Enrollment Management at Far Brook School in Short Hills, advises parents to think about what they believe school should be, whether that means creative, self-directed inquiry, or a heavy focus on athletics. “The right environment can make a big difference in a child’s school experience,” she says. How to know? Ithen suggests parents directly ask a prospective school what learning looks like there. “This will give you a sense of whether the style focuses on rote learning, a hands-on approach, or perhaps a combination or something entirely different,” she says.
THEY REALLY, REALLY WANT YOU TO VISIT
Independent schools absolutely want you to come check them out. Attend all the open houses, and tour as many schools as possible to get a sense of each school’s approach and philosophy. “There are things that you can observe on your tours to get a sense of a school’s style and approach,” says Ithen. “Do the kids look focused and engaged? Happy and social? Is touted diversity actually reflected in the classroom? If the arts are emphasized, look at the walls— you’ll see a variety of projects displayed with care. Learn to read the clues: for example, a traditional school will likely feature desks in a row, while a progressive one might have a more collaborative arrangement. Look for glimpses of values that are important to you as a family,” she adds.
FIT MATTERS, BUT THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO IT
“We understand how daunting this process can feel, and appreciate the time, energy and thought that families put into the school search and application process,” says Alexis Sommers, director of Admission and Financial Aid at Newark Academy in Livingston. Schools consider a number of factors regarding who gets in or not, and it’s not necessarily personal. They’re looking for fit, sure, but also balance. “We don’t view our role as gatekeepers but rather as community builders, so we’re looking to get to know each student and family on an individual level and approach our admission decisions from a place of class building vs. fitting certain criteria,” she says. So, if your child doesn’t get accepted, know that it’s not because of something your family did or didn’t do.
CONSIDER ALL SORTS OF INDEPENDENT SCHOOLS
Single sex, co-ed, boarding or religious? Be open-minded in your search. In particular, faith-based schools in NJ aren’t just for students of one faith and typically offer a traditional, values-based education that parents from various backgrounds appreciate. “For many of us, diversity is our strength and we welcome students from all religious backgrounds into our school communities,” says Jane Bowman, director of Admissions at Union Catholic High School in Scotch Plains.
Like independents in general, religious schools have the flexibility to truly customize curriculum, something that goes beyond the classroom, and “students are able to truly take charge of their learning experiences and delve into areas of interest unique to them,” she says.
The best part? Faith-based schools tend to be budget-friendly and scholarships can be generous. For many families, learning about theology (even in a different faith) is an added bonus to an excellent and affordable education.
THEY’LL HELP YOU CONNECT TO CURRENT PARENTS
“Many independent schools offer a lot of the same things (personal attention, small class sizes, excellent college list). However, there are many unique differentiators that parents should look for when researching schools. One differentiator is community— how the members of the school interact with one another—and you, as applicants,” says Alyson Waldman, director of Enrollment Management, Admissions, and Financial Aid at Montclair Kimberley Academy.
These will be your people for years to come. Do you feel warmly welcomed? Do you feel this way each time you visit? If every person you spoke to recommended the same thing, talk to current parents. Not sure how to connect? Schools facilitate all sorts of conversationfriendly events, and some (like Far Brook) have integrated a web chat feature called PeerPal that enables unmonitored, parent-to-parent discussions with just a click. Or reach out to admissions personnel. “We are always happy to connect prospective families with current families at any point during the process,” says Ithen.
ALUMNI NETWORKS PROVIDE FOREVER BENEFITS
Private schools tend to engender love, loyalty and lifetime support from alumni. “Private school communities go well beyond one’s years as a student,” says Bowman. “The alumni networks that individuals enter upon graduation are often quite robust and active in a way that is unique from public schools, continually offering opportunity, connection and a common ground.” The parent network is pretty great, too.
MORE FAMILIES QUALIFY FOR AID THAN YOU THINK
There’s a stubborn belief that only students from wealthy or low-income families can opt for an independent education. “This is a big misconception and one that we’re actively trying to dispel,” says Sommers. Historically this may have been the case, but more and more, schools recognize that having enough isn’t necessarily enough to pay for private school, and true diversity includes economic diversity. For example, at Newark Academy, need-based financial aid also supports Newark Academy students who come from relatively higher-income ranges. “Families are often surprised to hear that roughly 57 percent of our awards for the 2024-2025 school year are going to families earning $150K and above,” she says. So while lower income families may get a full ride, even middle class families may get enough aid to enable paying for a private school.
The takeaway: That dream school may be a reality for your child.
—Jennifer Kantor is an education, parenting and lifestyle writer and a Maplewood mom of two.
