A recent report from The American Cancer Society shows breast cancer is increasingly impacting younger women, particularly women under 50. For women diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer (MBC) – the most aggressive form of cancer – parenting young kids and teens adds another level of challenge.
Randolph resident, pediatrician, mother and grandmother Beth Gelman knows this struggle firsthand. She was diagnosed with MBC at the age of 55. Her experience inspired her to team up with seven other women living with MBC and a family psychiatrist to write “The Adventure Jar: A Story of Magic for Families Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer,” a picture book that shows adventures don’t always mean taking a trip but can be had at home by doing creative things together as a family, even during very hard times. We asked Beth about her experiences, the book and how it aims to help others going through MBC.
New Jersey Family: Getting a cancer diagnosis is overwhelming in so many ways, especially if you’re parenting kids or teens. How did your cancer journey along with your experience as a pediatrician and new grandmother inspire you to help other parents navigating cancer?
Beth Gelman: When I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer I had to leave my career behind to focus on my health, but I knew I needed to have more in my life than just being a cancer patient. With the encouragement of my daughter, I founded Happynest, a parenting consulting company to help parents navigate the challenges of child-rearing. Naturally, I feel a special connection to women facing metastatic breast cancer (MBC). Those with young children cannot stop being a parent when they don’t feel well. Since opening Happynest, I have been offering my services for free to women with MBC. The group discusses not only the typical concerns all parents encounter but also the additional challenges of navigating an MBC diagnosis when you have young children.
NJF: How did “The Adventure Jar” come to be and how does the book reflect your personal experiences?
BG: Gilead Sciences in collaboration with members of the MBC community, such as myself and professionals, including a psychiatrist, came up with the idea to create a book for children whose families were dealing with MBC. I love how the book shows that sometimes moms with MBC don’t feel their best and aren’t able to do the things they would like to do. I experience this all the time and it’s tough to not be able to have the energy to do everything I want for my family.
NJF: The book focuses on finding magic in everyday moments. Can you share an example of a meaningful adventure with your family that brought you comfort or joy during your cancer journey?
BG: My family rented a beach house for a week, not far from Savannah, where my son, daughter-in-law, and new baby granddaughter live. My daughter came as well. Being together as a family in a setting that made everyone comfortable allowed us to really enjoy one another. I am grateful that I have so many wonderful memories and, more importantly, that my family will have those to look back on after I am gone.
NJF: How has your support system played a role in helping you cope with MBC? What role can extended family members, like grandparents or close friends, play in supporting kids during this time?
BG: My support system is critical. I have an amazing family and friends who I can count on to support me emotionally and physically. Even though my children are older, having a mother with MBC is very hard for them. Their peers really don’t know how to talk to them about what they are going through and their family, especially their aunts, cousins and grandparents are stepping up to help them with frequent phone calls to check in and invites to dinners, movies and nights out.
NJF: What are some practical ways that parents with MBC can take care of their health while also managing the demands of parenting?
BG: It’s all about prioritizing. I ask myself what needs to get done today and what can wait. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to be a Wonder Woman; people actually want to help and feel good about being able to do something that can make something easier for you. You must listen to your body and take care of yourself before you can take care of others. You can still have time with your kids, snuggling up on the sofa, reading a story, or watching a movie together.
NJF: With the rise in breast cancer cases among younger women, what are some key steps that can be taken to support early detection, especially for mothers who may be juggling many responsibilities?
BG: It’s so important to make healthcare a priority. Discuss risk factors with your gynecologist and come up with a plan together for screening. Remember that our children learn from us, from our behaviors. If you make your health a priority, your children will learn that when they grow up, they need to do the same.
NJF: How can families get a copy of The Adventure Jar?
BG: Families can download the free e-book or order a free copy of “The Adventure Jar” here.
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