So you’re thinking about private school. Maybe it’s a family tradition, or you’re drawn to the world-class facilities. Perhaps your child needs more than a public school can offer. Or maybe you’re just exploring the options. With as many private schools as there are reasons to consider one, the challenge is finding the right fit—for your child and for your family.
THINK ABOUT WHAT MATTERS MOST
Do you prefer a traditional or progressive philosophy? Artsy or STEM-focused? Boarding or day? Large or small? Practical factors like commute and cost also come into play. Start with an ideal vision, but keep your options open. For instance, religious schools—which offer prep school perks, often at lower tuition—generally welcome students of all faiths. “It’s the diversity of perspectives that truly enriches the Trinity Hall experience,” says Head of School Theresa Kiernan, who leads the all-girls Catholic school in Tinton Falls. Single-sex schools also offer distinct benefits. Boys are more likely to pursue perceived “gendered” interests, while girls find empowerment. “Research confirms what we see every day: when girls learn in an environment intentionally designed for them, they thrive,” she says.
KEEP IT ABOUT YOUR CHILD
Does your child thrive in a structured, competitive setting, or something more nurturing and flexible? Environment matters more than things like family legacies or college admissions.
“Focus on who your child is right now—not just who you hope they’ll become,” says Kelly Reilly McCarthy, director of marketing and assistant director of admissions at Lacordaire Academy in Upper Montclair. “It’s natural for parents to bring their own hopes and expectations into the school search. Many are influenced by their educational experiences or by what they believe a successful path should look like. But a school that fits your child’s unique set of needs will give them the best opportunity for a positive outcome.”
DO YOUR RESEARCH
With a working list of criteria, search platforms like Niche, GreatSchools, and Private School Review for academic stats, studentteacher ratios, demographic info, curriculum, accreditation and more. Consider reviews, but look for overarching themes, not the stray negative post. Your list can also guide conversations with family and friends, social media and school websites. This will give you a broad overview, but to truly understand a school you need to visit.
GO TO AN OPEN HOUSE—LOTS OF THEM
Information sessions showcase a school’s philosophy, curriculum, programs, facilities, faculty and leadership to prospective families— if there’s a vibe check, this is it. They help you feel if a school might be right for your child and worth pursuing. Virtual tours are helpful as an initial filter and can sharpen your questions but aren’t a substitute for seeing the real thing. If possible, attend a daytime open house to see the school in action. Day or evening, book open houses as soon as possible, especially for popular schools where spots are limited.
TEST FOR SUCCESS
Most private schools require special standardized testing for consideration, and scores can help determine whether a school is realistic or a reach—but they aren’t everything.
“Testing is an important piece of our holistic review process. That said, we’re tasked with building balanced and diverse classes,” says Alexis Sommers, Newark Academy’s director of Enrollment Management and Institutional Strategy. “Ensuring an academic match is a priority, but beyond that, we look at how students will contribute to the community beyond the classroom. While the process is competitive, it’s also student-centered by design and aimed at seeing the best in each student,” she says. So even with a less than ideal score, if a school feels like a fit, apply.
GET A CLOSER LOOK
Typically more intimate and in-depth, tours let you see if a school truly walks its talk. It’s your chance to ask key questions about growth metrics, discipline, teacher turnover, as well as diversity and inclusion. Parents should also closely watch the students, says Reilly McCarthy.
“How students interact with others can reveal a great deal about the school’s culture and values. Do they make eye contact and offer a greeting as you pass by? Do they hold the door open for others? Do they seem actively engaged in their learning? Look for signs of kindness, respect and confidence in how they carry themselves. These everyday interactions speak louder than any view book or tour guide,” she says.
THINK BEYOND THE BOOKS
A star lacrosse player needs a competitive sports program. An award-winning robotics program might be a must for an MIT-hopeful. Artists require studios, supplies and creative spaces. Simply put: the right school will nurture your child’s passions and help them discover new ones. Arguably as important as academics, enrichments, extracurriculars and clubs tell you what a school prioritizes, who attends, and if your child will find what they love.
TALK TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE
To get the full measure of a school, speak to anyone who can spill the tea on things like diversity, social climate, workload, and other things that aren’t in the brochure. Attend public events like sports games where you can casually chat up parents and kids, and look for school ambassador programs that connect prospective and current families. Some even let you directly message parent volunteers through the school website.
IMMERSE YOUR CHILD IN THE PROCESS
Fit is ultimately mutual, and many schools insist on classroom immersion assessments and shadow days as part of the application process. “This is really a two-way interview. It allows teachers and students to get to know your child, but just as importantly, it gives your child the chance to ‘interview’ the school as well,” says Reilly McCarthy. So ask your child: How did they feel about the teaching style? Were they welcomed by other students? Are they excited? Insights gleaned are priceless.
FIT FIRST, THEN FINANCE
It’s true: an independent education can be expensive. “Schools recognize the cost and financial commitment required to enroll,” says Sommers. Traditionally, aid flows to lower-income families, but increasingly schools are offering help to families who are comparatively affluent. “There’s been a push to attract and enroll more partial-need families. This is to help increase socioeconomic diversity and mitigate the barbell effect* that can happen at independent schools,” she says. So don’t be discouraged by cost— private school may be more affordable than you think.
DIDN’T GET A SPOT? THAT’S OK
“Admissions decisions can be influenced by many factors beyond a child’s qualifications or fit, including enrollment limits and balancing the overall student body. This is a situation many families face, and it can certainly be disappointing,” says Reilly McCarthy. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good match, or that the second choice won’t turn out to be the right fit after all. If, however, your heart is still set on a specific school, keep in touch with admissions—spots do open up unexpectedly.
“Ultimately, staying open-minded throughout the process gives your family the best chance of finding a school community where your child will succeed,” she adds.
And that’s what it’s all about.
*The barbell effect refers to schools with full-pay and scholarship students, with limited middle income kids to bridge the cultural divide.
— Jennifer Kantor is a Maplewood-based parenting and lifestyle writer and a mom of two.
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