It’s 7 a.m. on a Tuesday and your child has a stomach ache. The thought of breakfast makes them queasy, and they ask to stay home. You encourage them to go to school, hoping it’s just nerves. By lunchtime, once their math test is behind them, they seem fine. Sound familiar? Chances are your kid may be dealing with some level of test anxiety.
With much of our kids’ academic success tied to test scores, it’s no surprise they are stressed. And while some stress is a normal part of their school experience, sometimes that stress can take over. How can you help? Start by recognizing the signs of test anxiety and helping your child manage the anxiety before it builds. We asked experts for advice to help our kids face tests with more confidence and less fear. Here’s what they shared:
SPOT THE SIGNS EARLY
Test anxiety can look different in every kid. “Test anxiety in school-aged children often manifests through physical symptoms,” says Joseph Galasso, PsyD, clinical psychologist and CEO of Baker Street Behavioral Health, headquartered in Franklin Lakes with offices in Bergen, Essex and Monmouth counties, along with telehealth. Common signs include stomach aches, nausea, headaches, trouble sleeping, an increased need to use the bathroom, or frequent trips to the nurse.
“Emotionally, kids are likely to be feeling overwhelmed,” Galasso says. “When this occurs, we likely see overt changes in mood or behavior.” Symptoms sometimes mimic hyperactivity or learning difficulties. You may see excessive worry and fear about performance (saying “I can’t do this”), clinginess, lack of concentration or “blanking” during tests, avoidance, acting out and withdrawal, Galasso says.
By middle school, the anxiety can show up as procrastination, perfectionism, sweaty palms and racing thoughts. In high school, worrying about grades, college, or disappointing parents can lead to irritability and withdrawal.
NAME AND NORMALIZE THE FEELING
Helping kids recognize what they’re feeling and letting them know it’s okay to feel that way can help ease the anxiety. “You might say, ‘It’s okay to feel nervous—it means you care,’” says Michelle Felder, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist and founder and CEO of Parenting Pathfinders.
Feeling some anxiety is not a bad thing, says Geillan Aly, PhD, founder and CEO of Compassionate Math. “A little anxiety is good because it heightens our senses and makes us sharper.” The problem arises when worry starts to interfere with a child’s ability to perform. Aly says parents should watch what they say about tests. Saying things like “I don’t test well” can reinforce self-doubt. Aly encourages parents to help kids replace self-defeating beliefs like “I’m not a math person” with “math is a skill that can be developed.”
Building self-awareness and self-compassion is key, says Hillary Schoninger, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker. She suggests simple affirmations like “I have worked hard to prepare, and I can be proud of my efforts so far” or “I can do hard things” to empower kids during stressful moments.
REFRAME WHAT TESTS MEAN
Helping kids see exams as feedback, not judgment, shifts the focus from fear to growth. “What parents model matters; their confidence, calm perspective, and ability to regulate their own anxiety related to test results can help teens feel safer doing the same,” says Felder. “These tests are one small part of a much bigger picture.”
Too often, high schoolers internalize expectations, linking grades and scores to their identity, Galasso says. “Pressure from parents to achieve, even when they are not explicitly expressed, can be a source of great stress for high school-aged students.” That’s why it’s crucial to show kids that effort matters more than perfection.
Another important message to share with your kids is to focus on habits, not outcomes. Focus on “I’ll complete two practice sections this week” rather than “I’ll get a 1400,” Felder says. Celebrating progress over performance helps kids stay motivated, even when they don’t get the grade they hoped for.
ENCOURAGE HEALTHY STUDY HABITS
Help your child map out short, regular study blocks. Alternate subjects and schedule breaks. Sleep, exercise and good nutrition all help focus and mood, Felder says. Encourage your kids to use planners, online calendars or phone reminders, and leave extra time for sports, extracurriculars, family and downtime. Teacher check-ins and tutors when needed also go a long way toward building confidence.
“Helping teens to develop predictable, low-stakes practice routines that include short, consistent study periods—rather than engaging in a marathon cramming session—can be incredibly supportive and effective,” Felder says.
MODEL CALM AND BUILD CONFIDENCE
When stress hits, the goal is to move from the body’s fight-or-flight mode into calm regulation. “Through breathing exercises and grounding activities, we are connecting with our parasympathetic nervous system and allowing our bodies to calm physically so that we can be in a calmer state in all ways,” says Schoninger. “Whether students are seeking grounding through meditation, walking, or other forms of movement, this will help them open the door to finding what works best for them.”
The more practice and exposure the student has, the more they will identify what works best to help through anxious periods. Talking about the experience of the test before the outcome can also increase confidence. After the test, focus on how they felt, not what they scored, says Felder.
KNOW WHEN TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP
If a child can handle schoolwork at home but freezes up on tests, that may be a sign of anxiety rather than a lack of understanding, says Aly, who works with students to address math test anxiety. Testing environments can be “high-stakes spaces where outcomes and results matter tremendously,” which is when professional help can make a huge difference.
“If for more than two weeks their anxiety is interfering with and negatively impacting their learning, appetite (increased or decreased), sleep, social life, peer or family relationships, or overall functioning, I’d suggest seeking support from a licensed mental health professional,” says Felder.
Galasso says Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the gold standard tool for reducing anxiety. CBT helps kids identify and reframe negative thoughts, replacing them with more compassionate ones. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m going to fail this test,” a student would instead say, “I’ve worked hard to prepare as best as I possibly can.”
Finally, if your child has an anxiety diagnosis, talk to their guidance counselor about support. Says Galasso: “Oftentimes, informal accommodations can be very helpful.”
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