In the day-to-day busyness of life, it’s often hard to give your child the full attention they deserve, especially if there are siblings in the household. Kids can often feel like they don’t get the one-on-one time they want and need with you, and as a mom of twins (one who has autism) I feel this in my soul.
While my 13-year-old son and I have a great relationship, our conversations are often cut short due to my daughter’s needs. He and my husband have father-son time through Scouts and trips to football games, and it falls naturally that my daughter and I spend a lot of “girl time” together, which I love. But I often long for some uninterrupted time with my guy.
After interviewing the owners of a sailing school in Florida, I had the idea that one day, we would take a mother-son adventure to get out on the open water together. While neither of us had any sailing experience whatsoever, we both love the beach and the ocean. I had visions of us working together to sail a boat and just enjoying some uninterrupted time in each other’s company in a beautiful setting.
As the twins turned from chubby babies in the strollers to teenagers in the blink of an eye, the thought that “someday” needs to be now was foremost in my mind. So, when I actually booked the plane tickets, my son was both surprised and happy. With dad and grandma holding down the fort and picking up all the things I usually do for my daughter, we headed down to Fort Myers Beach in Florida for a sailing course (condensed down from the usual 3 days to 2) and some chill time at a beautiful resort.
Offshore Sailing School, founded and helmed by Steve and Doris Colgate, is an amazing company with several locations in Florida and the British Virgin Islands. When I first spoke with Doris a year prior, I could feel the wind in my hair and taste the sea salt as she regaled me with stories of their long and storied sailing career, and how countless couples, families and solo travelers have taken on a new passion after completing their Learn to Sail course. In the weeks prior to our trip, we received a book to study (Basic Keelboat, from the U.S. Sailing Certification Series) and I had fun kitting us out with every conceivable item we’d need from water shoes and sunglasses straps to dry bags and anti-nausea wristbands (I wasn’t taking any chances!).
When we arrived in Florida, our Uber took us to the Pink Shell Beach Resort & Marina where Offshore has an outpost. The resort was vibrant and lively with multiple pools and a list of activities for kids and families that would have kept us entertained all weekend if we didn’t have a sailing adventure booked. Opening the door to our double room, we plopped down on the comfortable beds and gazed out at the gulf which was visible from our lanai. We had arrived! Later that evening, we took the trolly into town and had dinner, savoring the time to relax and discuss our excitement and concerns about the course which would start first thing in the morning.
All of our fears were set aside when the next morning, we met Kevin Wensley, our sailing instructor for the weekend. Kevin was a consummate professional and welcomed us into the classroom right there at the Pink Shell where we’d go over the basics before heading out on the water.
Right away it was apparent that while he was fun and friendly, Kevin took sailing very seriously. As he showed us a presentation and quizzed us on important points I wished I had spent more time studying before our arrival. When Kevin asked us the name of a certain knot used in sailing, I was surprised when my son spoke up and then demonstrated a bowline, explaining he had learned it in Scouts. I marveled at the fact that there were things I didn’t know about my guy and seeing him show off his skills made me proud.
When it was time to finally head out to the dock, we were both giddy with anticipation. We were on a Colgate 26-foot sailboat and Kevin explained the 3 rules of sailing – 1) keep all the people inside the boat, 2) keep the water out of the boat and 3) look good (everything in order). I reminded myself that I was capable of doing this, and glad for the fact that years of working out meant I was ready for what was to be a physically challenging weekend.
My son and I took turns manning the sails and steering and Kevin guided us mostly with verbal instructions, letting us do all the work and not stepping in unless necessary. He used all of the terminology we had just learned (starboard and port side, not right and left) and complimented us when we executed our jibes and tacks correctly with a phrase we’d hear throughout the weekend that became music to our ears (“nice one!”).
Because my son wanted to steer, I was elected to raise the sail in a move called “jumping and sweating.” This involved me standing on the bow and feverishly pulling the mainsail halyard. Kevin warned me that I needed to make sure the sail was attached before doing this because if it went up to the top unattached, the lightest person was going up the mast, and that was me! Needless to say, I was extra careful.
All of the moves that we learned and executed required my son and I to work together, listen and most of all stay calm. I can’t say that there weren’t moments of frustration, particularly when we were tacking, and my son tried to remember which line to let out and which one to reel in, using a winch. It was a lot to coordinate! But there is great reward in doing something that isn’t easy. By the second day when we got out on the water and caught a wind in our sail, I experienced that moment that Doris was talking about of amazement that you yourself are making the boat go with no motor – just the wind and your skill (and Kevin, definitely Kevin!). As we sailed along at a fast clip the boat keeled to one side and Kevin told us to get up on the side of the boat as we headed forward. I was the one steering and suddenly, Kevin placed a tiller extension in my hand that I hadn’t seen before. As I helmed the boat with my son at my side I had the urge to yell “I’m the king of the world!” like Leonardo, but mostly I just grinned, totally aware that this was the moment all sailors were constantly chasing, the reason to be out on the open water.
By our second and final day of the course, we both understood so much more about sailing and had a better command of our tacks and jibs. I told Kevin that the first day, I was just following instructions but that now I was beginning to understand the “why” behind all the moves we were executing. I could see that once you had the hang of it, sailing could become a lifetime obsession, as it clearly was for Doris and Kevin. As we executed a man overboard rescue procedure (using a fender named “Bob”) we gained an appreciation for not just how difficult sailing can be, but how rewarding. When we eventually hoisted Bob back into the boat, we both felt a sense of achievement.
Back at the Pink Shell, my son was content to finally get some pool time and to suck down a virgin pina colada and lounge poolside. While I passed the written exam to achieve my level one certification (yay!) my guy didn’t want to take the lengthy test, and that was just fine. On our last sail as we were heading back to the dock, we looked over to see dolphins taking their u-shaped dives in and out of the water.
It occurred to me that even though it was great to take this mini vacation, the real magic was in spending quality time together – something we could continue to do back in New Jersey. When the wheels of our plane touched down in Trenton late Sunday night, I felt so happy we had taken this time, just the two of us and hoped it would be the first of many more adventures to come.
I remembered Doris telling me that some kids who sailed with their families forgot about it for a long time but then later in life, were drawn back to it. I don’t know if sailing will be my guy’s thing, or our thing, or something he one day returns to, but I do hope that he will always remember our amazing adventure together. And, of course, that his mom is cool.
Offshore Sailing School offers the Learn to Sail 101 course at the Pink Shell Beach Resort & Marina on Ft. Myers Beach and Hampton Inn and Municipal Marina in St. Petersburg, FL.
Pink Shell Beach Resort & Marina is located at 275 Estero Blvd in Ft. Myers Beach, FL.
—Ronnie Koenig is an NJ mom of twins. Find her at facebook.com/AutismGirlMom
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