As a mom of four girls, children’s book author Danielle Sherman-Lazar has faced her fair share of parenting challenges. She recently wrote her first book for adults, Mothers are Made: How One Mom Overcame Perfectionism, Self-Doubt, Loneliness and Anxiety And Became a Better and Happier Parent, set to be released on April 8. She used her experience raising Vivienne, 8, Diana, 7, Julia, 5, and Charli, 2, in their Tenafly home to write a memoir about the challenges she faced, hoping to help fellow moms know they aren’t alone. We asked the social media entrepreneur and mental health advocate about what she learned while writing the book and what she loves most about motherhood.
New Jersey Family: Your new book, Mothers Are Made, is deeply personal and focuses on how the challenges of motherhood shape us. What inspired you to write it?
Danielle Sherman-Lazar: I wrote Mothers Are Made because I’d get messages on social media asking if I have a book with all my posts in them. I realized that all my writing had a common theme of empowering moms and women because motherhood is hard. It’s full of plenty of moments where we think, “How am I going to do this?”
I’ve had this thought many times as I’ve raised my four young daughters under 9, from my struggles with breastfeeding to two of my daughters’ stays at the NICU. Mothers are Made shows how moms aren’t instantly born along with their babies—mothers are made through time and experience. It’s when mothers go through the fire that we are forged into resilient, brave, and courageous parents.
NJF: The book shares the struggles that so many moms face—perfectionism, self-doubt, anxiety, and loneliness. As a mom of 4, how did you begin to work through some of these struggles and what marked a turning point for you?
DSL: As new moms, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, uncertain, and constantly questioning if we’re doing it right. Feeling all these things can be lonely. In the beginning, when everything about motherhood feels new and fragile, our confidence can waver.
We just want to get it right—so we turn to an invisible list of “rules” that promise to make us better moms. We tell ourselves we must breastfeed. We should make everything from scratch, even if cooking was never really our thing. We believe we need to be fully attentive 24/7—no screens, no breaks, just endless presence. In chasing this impossible ideal of perfection, we often end up feeling like we’re never enough.
My relationship with breastfeeding was really a learning experience in letting go of this idea of the perfect mom. I wanted to breastfeed so badly. But it was a battle every single time I fed my firstborn, Vivienne. Two lactation consultants, hundreds of dollars, cuts on my nipples and shooting pains, my mental health plummeting, and so many tears later, Vivienne still wasn’t getting it. We weren’t bonding at all. We were clashing. I turned to pumping. I pumped for 6 months and then I switched to formula.
The first time I poured Vivienne a bottle of formula out in public after running out of stored breastmilk, I felt eyes staring at me, as if trying to look through me to see what’s wrong with me that I wasn’t breastfeeding. My heart stuttered as I could only imagine those people thinking I was a lazy mom. Their stares and the shakes of their heads seeped through my pores. I couldn’t escape the feeling of failure. I hid feeding her on every outing after that.
So, with Diana, my second born, I pumped for 14 months until I was pregnant with Julia even though I hated every moment of it. When Julia was born, I remember holding her and breaking into tears. I didn’t know how I was going to pump and take care of three kids under three. So, I fed Julia formula, and it felt like a weight had been lifted. She was happy and thriving.
I finally realized that breastfeeding was not what made me a good mom. Loving my children, showing up, and trying made me a good mom.
NJF: You share a lot of your own personal experiences in Mothers Are Made. What was the most difficult part of your motherhood journey to write about, and why was it important for you to include it?
DSL: The most difficult part of my motherhood journey to write about was my youngest daughter Charli’s 45-day NICU stay. I gave birth to her at just 32 weeks while battling COVID-19.
So many parents can relate to the fear and helplessness that come with having a baby in the NICU. It’s terrifying to see your impossibly small baby lying in an isolette, wires snaked across her fragile body, machines beeping around her. You love this tiny human more than anything, and yet, you can do so little in that moment to help.
The guilt was relentless. When I was at the hospital, I felt like I was neglecting my kids at home. When I was home, I felt like I was failing Charli. It was a constant tug-of-war that left me emotionally drained.
But if there’s one thing I want other NICU moms to know, it’s this: you’re not alone. Every feeling—the fear, the guilt, the exhaustion—is valid. And you will get through it. This chapter of your journey, as heartbreaking and challenging as it is, will shape you into an even stronger, more compassionate mother. It’s hard, but it’s also transformative. And on the other side of it, there is hope, healing, and a deeper kind of love you didn’t know was possible.
NJF: One of the core messages of your book is that moms aren’t “born”—they’re made over time through challenges and growth. Can you share a moment in your life when you truly felt yourself becoming the mother you are today?
DSL: Becoming the mother, I am today didn’t happen all at once. It was shaped through every struggle I have faced—every challenge I overcame, from the intensity of my hard labor with Charli to the emotional weight of advocating for Diana, my child with anxiety. With each experience, I grew. I learned. I began to care less about what others thought and focused more on what was right for me and my family. And with each struggle I continue to face with my children, I will continue to become.
NJF: Motherhood is overwhelming, and moms are always so hard on themselves. What advice can you share that has helped you during your hardest days?
DSL: Parenting is hard—there’s no perfect way to do it. We’re human, and sometimes we lose our patience or completely mess up. But losing it doesn’t make us bad parents. It makes us humans who care more than anything in this world about our children and the type of humans they’ll become, all while wanting to keep them safe, that we get frustrated with them and mess up ourselves. What matters is that we own it, we apologize, and we try to do better tomorrow—with a little more grace and a little more patience. Because that’s what good parents do.
NJF: How did you juggle parenting four daughters while writing a book (!!) and how do you balance it all day-to-day?
DSL: As a mother of four, finding time to write was often a challenge. I quickly learned to get creative—writing late at night when the house was finally quiet or sneaking in a few lines during rare pockets of downtime. If inspiration struck while I was in the middle of something, I’d text ideas to myself so I wouldn’t lose them. Eventually, my husband started handling the bedtime routine for our oldest three, giving me some extra time to write.
Balancing everything? That’s a myth. I’ve learned to let go of the pressure for perfection and offer myself endless grace. Motherhood isn’t measured by spotless counters or perfectly balanced meals. I used to look around at the end of the day—dishes stacked high, toys scattered everywhere, laundry still waiting—and feel like I’d failed. But I’ve come to realize that a messy house doesn’t equal a messy heart or bad parenting.
We need to drop the guilt. There’s no shame in handing your kid a screen so you can finish an article or asking your older child to play pretend with the younger one so you can get dinner on the table. We’re not superheroes—we’re humans, doing the best we can for the little people we love most. And that’s more than enough.
NJF: You’ve been open about overcoming struggles with anxiety and an eating disorder. How has motherhood influenced your relationship with yourself?
DSL: Motherhood has helped me heal. It has helped me become my best self for them. I don’t want my kids to see me skipping dinner and think that’s normal. I want them to see me navigating my anxiety in healthy ways so they can learn to do the same. Because our children don’t just watch us—they become the air they breathe.
If we want that air to be kind, authentic, honest, and confident, we have to embody those qualities ourselves. They are always watching, always listening. They notice how we handle stress. They see how we nourish ourselves. They hear when we apologize after we’ve messed up. Kids absorb it all like little sponges, mirroring what they see and echoing what they hear. We lead by example—because they’re paying attention, even when we think they aren’t.
NJF: You’re also the author of children’s books “It’s Okay to Embrace Your Body” and “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: Adults Get Big Feelings Too.” Tell us about these books and the inspiration behind them.
DSL: My first two children’s books were such passion projects. It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: Adults Have Big Feelings Too helps kids understand that adults struggle, too. Growing up I thought my parents were perfect, which made me believe I had to be. That pressure led to unhealthy coping mechanisms, including my eating disorder. We need our children to see our imperfections—to know big feelings are normal, not something to hide.
I wrote It’s Okay to Embrace Your Body to remind kids (and adults) that body insecurity is normal. What matters is that we keep living, talking through our feelings rather than turning to diet culture.
NJF: The new book is a bit of a memoir. What memorable stories do you share about living in New Jersey?
DSL: There are some tales from the Cotswolds, like the Halloween where my husband lost our thirdborn for a brief yet too scary amount of time. I tell stories from our home in Tenafly, a walk on our street. I talk about a time at Stop & Shop where I felt judged as a mom, and a time years later where I didn’t care what anyone thought. I have scenes from local New Jersey parks. There is a lot of New Jersey in Mothers Are Made.
NJF: What do you love most about living in Tenafly with your family?
DSL: I love being close to my family. I live around the corner from my childhood home. It was in the process of creating my own family that I’ve come to truly appreciate how important family who shows up is—not just for emotional support, but for those moments when you really need an extra hand. It’s not just a blessing for me, but for my kids, too, to grow up with grandparents who are present, involved, and such a special part of their everyday lives.
NJF: What are some of your family’s favorite places to go in New Jersey?
DSL: We love exploring Jersey malls (especially American Dream) and exploring different parks and play spaces. We spend most of our days at Bergen Equestrian and Progressive Dance Studio with an eight-year-old company dancer and a seven-year-old obsessed with horses.
NJF: Who are some of your favorite authors?
DSL: I love a romance book. I adore Emily Henry, Ali Hazelwood, and Carly Fortune. I also love self-help books/memoirs and my favorites are by Glennon Doyle and Brene Brown.
NJF: What’s next for you? Do you have any book signings planned for Mothers Are Made or any new writing projects in the works?
DSL: Right now, I am writing posts/articles on my social media pages and promoting Mothers Are Made. I will be at the Women’s Center of Englewood Book Fair on March 27, and the Bergen Magazine health event on April 30.
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