Puberty can be a challenging time for all kids, but for those on the autism spectrum, the changes that occur can often be even more difficult to understand and accept. Because people with autism may already have difficulties navigating social situations, dealing with change and regulating their emotions, adolescence can be a turbulent time. Some parents see an increase in challenging behaviors from their tweens or teens while others may watch helplessly as their child seemingly changes into someone unrecognizable right before their eyes. Thankfully, there are strategies parents can employ to better prepare their child for the changes into adulthood.
PREPARATION IS KEY
One of the best things a parent can do to help their neurodiverse child navigate puberty is to help them prepare for and understand the changes that are coming before they happen. Reading books together or separately on the topic of puberty can be great preparation for all kids so the changes are less shocking and unexpected. (Check out this tool kit from Autism Speaks and “The Care and Keeping of You” which comes in versions for both younger and older girls.) For girls, a social story that explains what a period is and what to expect can be tremendously helpful. Parents can go with their daughter to purchase pads and try using them before they are needed so that this hygiene skill is in place or emerging by the time menstruation begins.
Along with puberty comes some dramatic changes to the body and parents can help by providing clear and concise information on the facts. Talk about the changes that will occur and use visual aids if necessary.
According to Autism Speaks, there is growing research that shows a tendency for some people on the spectrum to experience seizures. Talk to your child’s doctor so you know how to recognize the signs, and if needed, they can refer you to a neurologist.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
It’s normal for tweens and teens going through puberty to begin experiencing sexual feelings, but sometimes neurodiverse individuals may need extra help when it comes to understanding what is appropriate when it comes to their changing bodies and urges. Talk to your kid so that they understand there is nothing wrong with what they are feeling, but there are certain things, including masturbation, which are done in private. Some may still engage in inappropriate behavior and some kids, especially boys, may become aggressive around this time. This can be particularly difficult for moms whose sons are growing bigger and stronger than them to deal with. If that’s the case, a teacher or trusted behavioral therapist can help come up with a plan.
THE SOCIAL SCENE
A big part of adolescence is navigating social situations with peers and often people on the spectrum can have difficulty reading social cues. This is the time to work on skills that will help build your tween’s or teen’s confidence and to look for inclusive activities they can try and hopefully enjoy. You can also seek out a social skills group to help him or her practice the basics of peer interaction, either one-to-one or in a group, in a supportive space.
BIG CHANGES, BIG EMOTIONS
Puberty can seem like a roller coaster ride for parents with a kid on the spectrum, but they can take heart that they are not alone in what they are going through and that even neurotypical kids can have a challenging time dealing with this part of life.
Dr. Kate Fiske, founder and director of North Star Family Autism Center in Metuchen, says that a lot of the transition to adolescence that we see for autistic individuals is what we expect to see in the greater population.
“We see physical changes, such as body development, onset of menstruation and increased needs for personal hygiene. We also may see emotional changes, which can take the form of rapid changes in mood and increased oppositionality to parents,” she says. One fact that parents of a child on the spectrum may overlook is that every other child is going through or will go through these changes, too.
“A lot of the work I do focuses on helping parents understand that some of these changes are completely normative,” says Fiske. “For example, parents of a teenager with autism may be concerned about his increased back talk and outbursts over what seem like ‘small things,’ but these challenges can often be expected in adolescence.”
Fiske says it can be helpful for clinicians and other professionals to remind parents of these expected changes so they feel less alone in the challenges. “However, we also know that autism adds a layer of complexity to adolescence,” she says. “For some individuals, selfcare skills can be difficult to learn, plan for and maintain. Emotion identification and regulation—already difficult for pre-teens and teens—can be a particular challenge for autistic individuals. So, while normalizing parents’ experiences can be helpful, clinicians also have to recognize that extra help, and specifically help that is adapted to the learning styles of the adolescent, may be necessary to teach the self-care, communication and coping skills that will be most beneficial for the adolescent and their family.”
With proper planning, open communication, a lot of patience and help from your team, your child will not only get through puberty but will grow and thrive on their journey toward adulthood.
—Ronnie Koenig is a freelance writer and mother a neurodivergent teen. She lives in Princeton.