How to Talk to Your Kids About the Devastating Plane Crash in DC

We asked the experts how to address the tragic news with our kids in a thoughtful, supportive way

istockphoto.com/PeopleImages

Wednesday night’s tragic plane crash over the Potomac near Reagan Washington National Airport is the deadliest U.S. air crash in nearly 24 years. There were no survivors in the mid-air collision between an American Airlines jet carrying 64 passengers, including a group of figure skaters returning from a development camp, and a U.S. Army Black Hawk helicopter which had 3 soldiers on board.

Chances are your children have heard the devastating news and may feel anxious, sad or even worried about their safety, especially if someone in your family is a frequent traveler or you fly as a family. We spoke with experts to understand how to address the news with your kids in a thoughtful, supportive way. Here’s what they shared:

Start by Listening to What They Know

“First and foremost, gauge how much your child knows,” says Liz Nissim, PhD, a clinical and school psychologist with Psychological and Educational Consulting in Livingston. “Don’t assume that your child understands what has fully happened. Listen to what your child has to say without interrupting, and without trying to correct or mitigate.”

Stacy Thiry, a Florida-based licensed mental health counselor at Grow Therapy, recommends asking open-ended questions like, “Have you heard about the plane crash?” or “How are you feeling about what happened?” This will help you understand what they’ve already heard and what’s on their mind, Thiry says.

Validate Their Feelings

It’s important to let kids know their feelings are completely natural, says Stephanie Marcello, Ph.D., Chief Psychologist at Rutgers University Behavioral Health Care. “Remind them you will be there whenever they need you…Be available, listen actively (stop whatever you are doing and be present, let them finish before you respond) and respond thoughtfully.” Validating their emotions and offering reassurance can help children feel supported.

Be a Calm Role Model

Children often look to adults for cues on how to respond to distressing events. Marcello advises parents to model calm and reassuring behavior. “Be careful not to have a super strong reaction, matter-of-fact approaches work best,” says Marcello, also Assistant Vice President, Academics, Integration and Innovation at Rutgers Behavioral Health Care. “Consider that children will learn based on watching the adults in their lives. How are you talking about the event or showing your own anxiety?  From there we can provide age-appropriate information. We want to be careful if our child knows about the accident not to pretend it didn’t happen, which can make their anxiety worse.”

Reassure Them About Flying

If your child expresses concerns about flying, particularly if a family member frequently travels, providing factual reassurance can help. Thiry recommends emphasizing the rarity of plane crashes. “Remind them that plane crashes are very rare. Pilots, mechanics, and air traffic controllers work hard to make sure flying is safe,” she says.

Stick to Routines

Nissim also stresses the importance of maintaining consistent daily routines to provide children with a sense of stability. Turning off the news or limiting exposure to repetitive and graphic coverage can help prevent younger children from feeling overwhelmed, she says.

Focus on What They Can Control

Giving children small choices can help them regain a sense of control in uncertain times. “When the world feels scary, little choices—like picking out their clothes or choosing a bedtime story—can help kids feel safer,” Thiry says.

Still, kids may feel scared, sad or even confused, Thiry says. “Let them know whatever they’re feeling is okay. You can say, ‘It makes sense that this feels scary. I’m here if you want to talk about it.’”

Marcello says it’s important for parents to remember that their role isn’t to take away their child’s scared or sad feelings “which are a natural and human experience. Our role is to help them share whatever thoughts and feelings they might have and create a safe space for them to do so.”

In the aftermath of the crash, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) shared resources on social media to support mental health. Their guidelines offer advice for minimizing the negative effects of watching distressing news, especially in today’s 24-7 TV news and social media landscape. For more, read the AACAP’s advisory on children and news consumption.

Subscribe to Our Newsletter!

Get fun things to do in NJ delivered straight to your inbox.

Latest articles

More from NJ Family