Why are teens so stressed about college applications today?
For many teens, the end of high school is when the future starts to feel real. What once felt far away begins showing up in everyday conversations, deadlines and decisions.
Toward the end of high school, there are also many big decisions to make, including where to apply to college, which major to choose and what career path a teen might imagine for themselves. Your teen may also be preparing to take the SAT to demonstrate their academic readiness for college-level coursework. All of these milestones and decisions can have your teen thinking about their future in a new way — wondering who they’ll become and how they’ll experience life outside of the structure they know so well.
What are the signs that SAT and college stress is becoming unhealthy?
It’s normal and healthy to experience some level of stress during this time between preparing for the SATs and deciding which universities to apply to, but there are key differences between healthy and unhealthy stress. Normal, healthy stress is short-term, related to a specific event (such as taking the SATs), and manageable with problem-solving whereas unhealthy stress is persistent, chronic, and comes with emotional and/or physical discomfort. If you notice significant behavioral shifts in your teen such as changes to their eating or sleeping habits, social withdrawal, complaints about physical symptoms not related to a medical condition, or emotional distress, it may be a sign they are struggling with unhealthy stress.
How can parents help without adding more pressure?
If your teen is struggling, it can be difficult to know how to help them express and relieve their stress, without adding more pressure. An effective way for parents to communicate with their teens during this time is by asking open-ended questions such as “What is worrying you most right now?” or “What part of this decision feels the hardest?”. Asking open-ended questions allows a teen to explore their feelings, and parents to know where they can step in with problem solving. Parents can help their teen with action steps such as assisting with finding tutoring support, scheduling campus tours, or helping to write a pros and cons list. The most important part of supporting your teen through this is to listen to them without judgement or imposing your expectations. Instead, encourage them to explore their emotions, listen to their ideas, offer tangible assistance, and to allow them to build the skill of making decisions for themselves based on their goals, passions, and values.
To help your teen manage their stress, here are some coping skills that can be effective:
1. Set specific times for studying / college application decision-making
Having a set time to dedicate to working on these tasks can help your teen have boundaries with how much they are thinking through these stressors. For example, encourage your teen to do “study sprints” where they set a timer for a dedicated period of time where they focus on studying or researching without distractions (they can turn their phones on Do Not Disturb for extra help minimizing distractions!). When the timer goes off, that is their cue to take a break.
2. Prioritize routine, rest, and nutrition
Having a predictable routine can help your teen to find comfort in day-to-day normalcies. Ensuring they are eating regularly and sleeping enough can help them feel energized, motivating them to focus on problem-solving.
3. Make time for hobbies and socializing with others
During life transitions, it is extremely important to maintain social connection. Encouraging your teen to spend time with their friends or engage in their hobbies can help them offload some of their stress and have fun. Talking with their friends who are going through the same life stage can help them feel less alone in their experience.
4. Use positive self-talk
With stress or fear can come negative thinking and doubt, which can hinder your teen’s ability to problem solve. Encourage your teen to remind themselves that their best is enough, their self-worth is not determined by test scores, and that they have the strength and capability to thrive wherever they end up. Ask your teen what they are excited about for the future, and support their dreams and aspirations. You can even write those positive mantras on a Post-It note and stick it somewhere they will see it, so they remember even in tough moments.
If your teen continues to experience chronic and persistent stress, withdraws socially, displays emotional distress, or engages in continuous negative self-talk, it may be time to seek professional help. Therapy can help your teen navigate this life change by providing psychoeducation on reframing negative thoughts, building a routine that mitigates stress, and overcoming barriers to problem-solving.
Ashley Ramos is a Licensed Associate Counselor (LAC). She offers therapy sessions at the Serenium Therapy & Wellness Eatontown location and virtually across all of New Jersey.
She enjoys working with various populations such as adults, adolescents, couples, and families. She specializes in anxiety, self-esteem issues, depression, and substance abuse issues. She believes each individual client deserves a treatment plan tailored to his or her specific needs, and she has experience using a variety of evidence-based approaches such as CBT, Mindfulness, DBT, Somatic Experiencing, and Motivational Interviewing.
Her ideal client is someone who is looking to empower themselves through gaining a deeper understanding of how to honor their own needs. While our lived experiences have an influence on how we perceive the world around us, ultimately, she believes we get the choice to decide who we want to be. She enjoys working with individuals who come into the therapeutic space ready to set goals that help them achieve their own definition of harmony, peace, and overall well-being.
In her opinion, one of the most important aspects of the therapeutic relationship is having her clients feeling safe and comfortable within the space. Making the decision to seek therapy can feel intimidating, but she is here to help guide you through the process at a pace that feels most comfortable and helpful for you.
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