Are summer routines for kids important?
Summer routines are extremely important, especially for school-age children. According to the American Association of Pediatrics journal, an average child in the United States spends about 6.5 hours a day in a structured environment during a typical 180 days of school. In addition, children who attend pre-k and kindergarten spend approximately 75% of their waking hours on a structured schedule and for 1st grade through high school, that number is about 50%, not including extracurricular activities. College and adult life continue to bring structured schedules. So in some regards, it could be said that children should have a relaxed schedule during the summer, yet it can become very difficult for a child to transition back to school after a 3-month break. Children who are not conditioned to some sort of structure are more likely to face behavior issues and stay glued to technology, which can potentially cause obesity, depression, sleep issues, but most of all, emotional dysregulation. A daily routine assists school-age children to transition to the school year more easily. They will continue to feel supported with consistent and constructive sleeping, eating, and collective extracurricular activities.
How are summer routines different now than they used to be?
Summer routines can differ from person to person depending upon their age. Baby boomers and Gen X, for example, often spent most of their time playing outdoors with little to no supervision. House rules and respect drove the children to be more independent of their parents rather than dependent. Their means of transportation was not Uber or mom or dad, it was most often their bikes or hitching a ride with a friend. The activities were not geared towards how much it would cost, rather how to get there and what time. It was more of a carefree lifestyle.
Moving forward, millennials and Gen Z children still had their time consumed with friends and activities which did not necessarily need parental involvement, though many parents did become involved. The disconnection between parents and their children during the 90s and before, modeled and began much of the parenting style which we see today. There is much more dependency on parental involvement, which involves more structured activities and routines and the driving force is technology. However, with the growth of technology, it is uncertain how that will affect current and future generations in a bigger way. Even now, many have a live-in babysitter, iPhone, I-Pad, or X-box as a driving force to stay at home instead of being socially and physically active.
When should a parent insist on the child following a routine vs when should the parent listen to the child?
The parent should most definitely insist the child follow a routine schedule for toddlers and pre-teens, especially when it comes to things like hygiene and household expectations. During this time, toddlers and pre-teens can learn to understand that expectations and rules such as respect and helping out are a must and negotiation is not an option. This will assist the child in good behavior patterns as they continue to grow into mature adults.
Adolescents and teens, however, should also have a structured routine, but this is where structure and emotional needs can create open communication between parents and a child. It is important that no matter where your child is, whether a friend’s house, camp, or after-school, safety and communication follow through, should not be a negotiation. In all instances, for resources and time sake, it is always best practice to ask your child what they would like to do for the summer, ie, structured activities, groups or camps. The more buy in, the less resistance to participation and jumpstart.
What tips can parents use to help create a summer routine their kids won’t fight?
For kids ages 3 to 12:
- Listen to your child. Routines are great, but if the child is not feeling well or is sick, do not take them to camp or structured activities. It can be a risk for your child as well as others.
- Chores and safety are non negotiable. The earlier that a parent teaches a child to do chores, especially in the summer, the more responsible and self-accountable the child becomes and, most importantly, it boosts their self-esteem. Simple things like teaching them to put toys away after playing with them or for the older ones, putting their bag away and clothes in the laundry after camp.
- Always create a structured schedule that is attainable that also offers breaks and downtime in between. A good balance is important, as being active keeps kids healthy and can build confidence, while downtime can help them regulate their nervous system.
For kids ages 13-19:
- Allow your child to have a voice in structured schedules and extracurricular activities. Teens should be involved in structured activities such as volunteering, group sports or other activities that encourage social interactions. It is highly suggested for a teen to try to have at least a couple weeks of volunteering as it can help them to understand about the world and encourage them to look at diverse populations.
- Provide positive and negative consequences for technology. Less is more.
- Most of all, be present for your teen. Model to them what it means to be in the moment.
When should a parent see a therapist if it feels like routine is creating consistent fighting with their child?
If the fighting feels constant and you or your child are shutting down or feel stressed and overwhelmed, therapy can help. A therapist can help you or your teen together or separately find ways to better communicate with one another to create a successful family dynamic that makes summertime structured while also having fun.
Ratna Joshi-Nelson is a Licensed Social Worker (LSW) with nearly two decades of experience working with children, adolescents, and families in both clinical and community-based settings. She offers therapy sessions at the Serenium Therapy & Wellness Hackensack location and virtually across all of New Jersey. Since 2007, she has supported families through a wide range of challenges, including emotional and behavioral dysregulation, family conflict, transitions, and complex mental health needs.
Her clinical interests include emotional dysregulation, anxiety, family conflict, parenting support, and trauma-informed care. She has been recognized for research in Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), which strengthens her focus on understanding how early life stress impacts behavior, relationships, and long-term well-being. She also specializes in helping families build practical strategies to improve communication, reduce escalation, and create stability within the home.
Her philosophy is that therapy should be both compassionate and goal-directed. She believes meaningful change happens when clients are given tools they can apply immediately, while also receiving consistent support to build insight, confidence, and healthier patterns over time.
