Teen boys have always cared about how they look, but an online trend known as looksmaxxing can push self-improvement to an unhealthy extreme. With constant access to phones and social media, appearance-focused content can be difficult for teens to escape. We asked Donna Lauro, LCSW-R, of Serenium Therapy & Wellness how parents can distinguish normal self-improvement from looksmaxxing behaviors that may be cause for concern.
A lot of teens want to look better, work out, improve their skin or dress differently. How can parents tell the difference between normal self-improvement and when something like looksmaxxing becomes unhealthy?
In adolescence it’s normal to want to improve appearance. You may notice that your teen wants to look and dress better. They may want to exercise or have a skincare routine. However there are signs when self-improvement becomes unhealthy. You may notice your teen constantly looking in the mirror or taking an excessive number of selfies, seeking reassurance from views and likes on social media. Food restriction and compulsive exercising are also signs of unhealthy behaviors. Their appearance begins to dominate their thoughts, along with worries about how others see them.
What are some signs that a teen boy may be getting too caught up in looksmaxxing or appearance-focused content online? Are there specific behaviors, language or emotional changes parents should watch for?
Looksmaxxing is a term used in online communities which means one is trying to maximize their physical attractiveness. Some of these practices can be healthy, such as exercising, improving diet, getting enough sleep, good hygiene/grooming and skincare. It can also become too extreme. Parents should look out for restrictive eating or excessive exercise, preoccupation with appearance and constant comparison to others. Parents need to notice how much time their teen is focusing on appearance and if it is taking away from other aspects of their lives. Are the behaviors helping or hurting the teen?
When does this trend become dangerous, whether emotionally, socially or physically? For example, when should parents be concerned about body image, anxiety, disordered eating, supplements, extreme workouts or talk of cosmetic procedures?
Parents should start being concerned when a teen becomes overly critical about their perceived flaws and seeks constant reassurance about how they look. As teens growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, we cared about how we looked, but it didn’t consume our lives the way it does for many teens today. We had Noxzema and Sea Breeze, not 10-step skincare routines. Social media and influencer culture have created constant pressure to look a certain way, making appearance a much bigger focus than it was for prior generations. The difference is that today’s teens are exposed to these messages nonstop. With social media, the pressure is constantly in their faces, through influencers, advertisements, filters, and endless comparisons. Unlike previous generations, they can’t simply walk away from it, because it’s available 24/7 on the devices they use every day.
If a parent hears their son talking about looksmaxxing, jawlines, being “rated,” “mewing” or comparing himself to influencers, what’s the best way to start a conversation without embarrassing him or making him shut down?
If you hear your teen talking about these things, try to stay curious rather than immediately reacting. Ask questions and show genuine interest. For example: “I’ve heard that term before, but I’m not really sure what it means. What is it?” “What do you like about it?” “What kinds of things do people talk about when they are discussing looksmaxxing?” “Do you think it’s helpful, or are there parts of it you don’t like?” The goal is to understand their perspective before offering your own.
When teens feel judged, criticized, or lectured, they often shut down or stop sharing. A curious, non-judgmental conversation creates space for them to talk honestly about what they’re seeing online and how it affects them. With social media constantly accessible, many teens don’t get much of a break from appearance-focused messages. Keeping the conversation open and supportive can help them think critically about those messages rather than feeling like they have to defend themselves.
What can parents do to help teen boys build confidence that isn’t only tied to appearance? How can families encourage healthy grooming, fitness and self-care?
Get them involved in sports, clubs, hobbies, volunteering, and other extra-curricular activities. These activities help teens build confidence through skills, accomplishments, friendships, and experiences, not just appearance. Parents can also reinforce the message that appearance is only one small part of who they are. Looking good, exercising, and taking care of themselves are all positive goals, but lasting confidence comes from character, kindness, talents, relationships, and the ability to overcome life challenges. When teens learn to value themselves for what they do, how they treat others, and what they contribute to the world—not just how they look—they develop a healthier sense of self-worth.
What should parents avoid saying or doing when they’re worried about their son’s appearance-related comments or habits?
It’s natural to want to reassure your teen and quickly fix the problem. But doing so can sometimes make them feel misunderstood or defensive. Avoid dismissive statements such as “There is nothing wrong with the way you look,” or “You’re being ridiculous.” While these comments are often well intentioned, they can invalidate how a teen is feeling. Instead, listen with empathy, and try to understand what’s driving their concerns.
Be mindful of how you speak about yourself. Criticizing your own body, obsessing over weight, or making negative comments about your appearance in front of your children can influence how they view themselves. Modeling self-acceptance, healthy habits, and a balanced perspective on appearance can have a powerful impact on a teen’s perception of themselves.
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