Before I left for college, my mom gave me plenty of advice: “Don’t leave your drink unattended. Stick to the buddy system. Keep up with school work.”
They were great tips, but looking back at my 18-year-old self, there were a few other conversations I wish we would’ve had to have better prepared us both for that huge transition. These are 5 conversations about the unexpected and more confusing parts of leaving home that no campus tour or orientation could ever really prepare you for.
You’re going to get lonely sometimes, and that’s completely okay.
There’s this unspoken idea that the college social experience is this non-stop hangout. You’re going get there, find your people, and never leave each other’s sides. But that’s nowhere near the reality of the first few weeks of college.
I moved into my college dorm 2 days after most people. While bringing my boxes up, I’d pass friend groups that had already started to seemingly flourish. I worried I had already missed my window to make my friends, which was a gut-wrenching feeling at the time. I’ll never forget how intimidating that feeling was. Being surrounded by people you don’t know, even more so when you’re on the shy side like me, is a scary feeling.
It would have been nice to know that this is totally normal. I eventually found my friends serendipitously and realized some of them had the same exact experience I had. If I’d known this was a natural occurrence, I probably would have walked around and made some friends instead of feeling so nervous!
But even when you’ve got your friends from the start, it can still feel like you’re out of place. A conversation about feeling lonely from time-to-time would help in aiding in this daunting feeling of alienation, especially during such a huge life transition. It takes time to find your people, and it’s always great to call home when you need some familiarity.
You’ll spend money on things you don’t need, and quickly regret it.
College is going to get hard quickly (depending on your major and this is a different conversation), meaning you’re going to have lots of “treat yourself” moments. It’ll creep up on you too, from those $8 coffees to late-night GrubHub or impromptu Target trips. It adds up quickly.
Budgeting in college isn’t just about tuition. It’s about resisting impulses and learning to manage your spending at the base level. This is the period in life just before your first job and move into an apartment. It’s vital to learn these skills now before going on to manage more stressful finances. Even if it’s as simple as avoiding buying the small things regularly, like your latte or that t-shirt. There’s nothing like hitting the midterm or final part of the semester, when all you want is to order in instead of having to walk to a dining hall, and finding $4 in your bank account. That’s where regret sinks in.
DoorDash and GrubHub were my “treat yourself” expenses. My spending went way up in the winter when it felt way too cold and windy to walk through my campus, and I regretted it. My parents talked to me about budgeting, but we never discussed the sneaky little expenses that serve no real purpose. It would have been nice to know how to decipher what’s worth spending money on and what isn’t. In other words, resist your wants and prioritize needs—and bank account!
You may or may not have more free time than your friends, so spend it wisely.
Depending on your major, or how easily/difficult schoolwork and lectures may come to you, you might be dealing with more or less free time than your friends. Both come with their downsides and drawbacks.
Picture this: Your friends are off hanging out or partying, and you’re at your dorm room desk staring at a blank document. You eventually get a call from your friend. They want you to forget the assignment and come out! FOMO sets in. Do you push off this assignment until tomorrow and risk it being graded as late? Or do you decline and resist the temptation?
It can be hard to always make the responsible decision as a busy college student, especially if you’re involved on campus and have a part-time job. After all, these are your college years, and we’re constantly told that these are the most fun years of our lives, and to embrace them fully. So what do you do?
Time management is the true key to success in college. Yes, we roll our eyes when our parents tell us this but it’s so true. This also goes for students who have too much free time on their hands. Whether it’s because school just comes easy to you, or you aren’t getting involved, too much free time can lead to a lack of productivity, and even to feelings of unfulfillment.
Finding your perfect balance between school/work involvement and personal time can truly be a game changer, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. A conversation with someone entering college about how to find that balance would be extremely beneficial in their path to success.
No one expects you to have it all figured out.
This conversation matters immensely. There’s pressure to know exactly what you want to do with your life from there on. I wish that someone would have reassured me that it’s perfectly okay to not know exactly what I want and that taking advantage of different avenues while they’re available to me is extremely valuable.
For example, if you’re majoring in biology, you can still write for the school newspaper if you have a passion for writing. Or if you’re majoring in classics, you can still be involved in business clubs. There’s not a single place where you won’t be welcome, and you can thrive in whatever place you find yourself in.
Careers don’t have to be linear, and college is the place to explore, figure out what you like, and what you don’t, and make mistakes. This conversation would help to ease so much of the pressure that’s subconsciously put onto incoming freshman/graduating seniors.
Failing is a part of life.
Whether it’s a botched-up exam or a missed opportunity, failing is simply a part of the deal sometimes. You aren’t guaranteed to give your 100 percent to everyday tasks. You aren’t a robot. Everyone experiences failure to a certain extent in college, but it’s rarely talked about. Whether it’s related to work or friends, failure is hard to discuss.
Failing does not define you or your success, and it’s important for any new college student to know that there will be countless opportunities to succeed.
The real lesson I wish I’d heard before entering college is that failure doesn’t define your intelligence. Instead, it teaches you to pivot and bounce back. That might mean asking for help, retaking an exam, or a class, or simply moving on. I still vividly remember when I blanked throughout the entirety of one of my finals I’d studied for all week. It felt like a huge punch to the gut—like my efforts were not enough. But instead of crashing, I tried to remember that I can’t try to be good at everything, and some things are just not meant for me.
Without knowing how to practice that kind of positive self-talk, I probably would have burnt myself out because of that class. At that moment, I was thankful that I was taught how to do that.
College is not by any means glamorous, but it’s also an extremely exciting time to get to know yourself, and where you see yourself in the world. But you aren’t expected to know everything, which is why these conversations are so important. The most valuable advice for me: Don’t be afraid to make mistakes but do learn how to overcome them.
Having these five conversations before college, and along the way, would help make the journey a lot easier and less stressful.
Sophia Fandino is a senior at Rowan University and an editorial intern for New Jersey Family.
Read More:
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