Name: T.H. Irwin of Cresskill; and Jessica Herzberg of NYC (formerly of Cherry Hill)
Business: exEXPERTS
Category: Professional/Legal Services
New Jersey Family: Tell us about Divorce etc… with the exEXPERTS and your mission.
T.H. Irwin: The mission of exEXPERTS and the Divorce etc… podcast is to empower and educate anyone touched by divorce so they can make the best decisions for themselves and their families.
NJF: You are besties who went through a divorce at the same time. How did this inspire you to launch exEXPERTS and what was it like to get this from idea to real business?
T.H.: As we were starting our divorce processes, we realized that we knew nothing about divorce. We asked one another questions and just shared what our lawyers had told us. We are two best friends who got divorced at the exact same time, and although we had completely different experiences (T.H. was in court for 4 years and Jess got divorced in a hot minute over a box of tissues), we were lucky enough to have each other through it all.
Rising from the lack of resources, support and information during our separate journeys, along with the desire to help others maneuver through the process, we created the exEXPERTS, free and trustworthy online community. We first thought of this business in 2008, and made it a reality in 2020.
We really learned a lot about being entrepreneurs, starting a business, building a brand and a platform – all self-funded. It was fun exploring this with your best friend and having someone to be accountable to.
The real reward has been in the feedback and emails we receive from our community validating the purpose of this business – to make a positive impact so other people know more than we knew and are able to navigate it all better than we did.
NJF: What is it like running a business with a dear friend? How has it impacted your friendship? What role do you each play in the business?
T.H.: It’s easy and it’s hard. We have always been comfortable talking about uncomfortable topics with one another, so if something is on my mind, I am not afraid to talk to Jessica about it. Since divorce, we both know that holding in frustration or anger is unhealthy – letting it out and talking about how we can move forward and keep our friendship strong is key.
It’s also fun, since we get to talk all of the time. Although now we have to make “friend dates” so we can talk about things other than work.
We appreciate how lucky we were to have one another through growing up in our 20s, starting families in our 30s, getting divorced in our 30s and navigating what’s next for each of us. We always say that we “got” one another in our divorce settlement – yeah for us!
NJF: What’s the one thing you both wish you knew about divorce when you began the process?
T.H.: I wish I knew a few things: 1. Hiring a lawyer isn’t the first thing I needed to do. 2. Just because someone uses a specific lawyer doesn’t mean that that lawyer is a good fit for me. 3. I wish I knew to be prepared and interview my lawyer instead of dumping my story on her. I wish I had been armed with the right questions to ask to make an educated decision as to whether this was the right lawyer for me. 4. A gentle reminder that my lawyer works for me and if I disagree with something I should have a voice.
Current advice: Stay away from toxic people, toxic Facebook and meet-up groups and find positive people to surround you and support you.
Jessica Herzberg: I wish I knew that just coming to an agreement with your ex about custody arrangements doesn’t mean that it’s going to actually be smooth sailing in real life. One big lesson I learned was that I cannot micromanage what happens when the kids are with their dad, and I have to be OK with that.
NJF: What did you both do before launching exEXPERTS and how did it help you with what you do with exEXPERTS?
T.H.: I was the director of Experiential Events for Gannett/USA Today. I have an MBA in Marketing and created a new revenue stream for a traditional media company with my original event series called the Food Truck Mash-Up. I am also a mom of three and have a dog Daisy.
JH: I have been a TV producer since grad school, and have worked at NBC News (currently), CBS and Fox. Understanding how to deliver the information that matters in a way that people want to hear and read has been very useful for our Divorce etc… podcast and our online digital platform/website. 6
NJF: Tell us about your podcast. When did you launch it and what have been some highlights along the way?
T.H.: On the Divorce etc… podcast we interview experts to help our listeners and community get through their own divorce process and beyond. Our guests share their advice around specific topics and pain points that people struggle with, from legal, to custody and coparenting, to financial and more.
We also do “just us” episodes, where we talk about our own stories and how we handled things, as well as topics like changing our last names (and what we changed them to), how we deal with our exes, how we co-parent, dating after divorce, and much more.
NJF: Your site delves into a host of areas: myDIVORCE, myFAMILY, myWALLET, mySTUFF and mySELF. Can you tell us a bit about each?
T.H.: We intentionally created our website to be super simple to read and navigate. When you are going through any major issue like divorce, your brain can’t always process information clearly. Each of these categories makes it easy to find the information you may need and are looking for, regardless of where you are in your journey. Whether you are thinking about it, going through it or moving on with the rest of your life – we’re here for all of it!
- myDIVORCE: attorneys and family law, divorce rights, preparing for divorce, the types of divorce
- myFAMILY: child custody, children and divorce, co-parenting, step-parents, pets
- myWALLET: alimony and child support, finances after divorce, paying for divorce
- mySTUFF: housing, organization, property and assets
- mySELF: career and education, holidays, self care, dating, support
NJF: What is the most rewarding part of what you do?
T.H.: What’s most rewarding is seeing someone at Whole Foods who recognizes us and tells us how much we have helped them. Meeting someone who tells us that they would not have survived their divorce without us. Coaching a woman who was first thinking about divorce when she connected with us and helping her create a roadmap so she could make educated decisions through the process. We helped her deal with a difficult STBX (soon-to-be-ex) and she now has her own apartment, her daughters are doing well, she’s self-sufficient and her confidence has been reborn.
NJF: What was your proudest moment as business owners?
T.H.: When we found out that we are a top-ranked show on Spotify! People are listening!
NJF: What’s the best piece of business advice you’ve ever gotten that you want to share with others?
T.H.: Don’t get caught up in trying to make things “perfect.” See if your concept is even being heard. Per the book “The Lean Start-Up” the MVP, we would have saved a lot of money and time if we focused on putting our podcast out to the world and seeing if people cared about what we had to say and what we wanted to share before getting caught up in created a “perfect” website.
NJF: What are some ways your business has been able to be involved with the community and give back?
JH: Because T.H. was in an emotionally abusive marriage, we focused on programs that help those who suffer from physical, emotional and financial abuse. We showcase the Domestic Violence Hotline (call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788) on our website and have done a series of Divorce etc… podcast episodes so people know what to do if they are in an abusive marriage, as well as how to deal with someone who is emotionally abusive and how to set up a life despite financial abuse. We focus a lot on true narcissistic relationships and how to help yourself recover (as T.H. did).
NJF: What’s it like juggling raising kids with running a business?
T.H.: At the time that we created exEXPERTS, our kids were in high school and college. Despite the fact that COVID brought them all home, we had the flexibility because we were all at home. When we separated from our husbands in 2008, Jessica’s kids were four and two years old, and T.H.’s kids were eight, six and four years old.
NJF: What do you love most about living in Cresskill/Bergen County?
T.H.: Growing up in Cresskill was great because of the proximity to NYC. It was all woods behind my house so my brother and I would go on adventures. I love that nature is everywhere. I love the parks, the tree-lined streets and quaint restaurants. I raised my kids in Tenafly and built a home with my boyfriend in Rivervale. Bergen has been a great place to live and I still go to NYC to see Jessica (who lives there) and my daughters.
NJF: What are some of your favorite things to do in New Jersey with your family?
T.H.: As I started my family, we loved hiking and going for long walks along the tree-lined streets, sitting outside for barbecues and getting together with friends at the newest hot spot.
NJF: What’s next for your business?
T.H.: We are going to continue to support anyone in the process, but also focus on what’s nEXt after divorce. We’ve been out of our marriages longer than we were in them and have learned a lot about ourselves, our potential and our opportunity to make a difference. “We’ve lived it, so we get it.”
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