Pregnancy. You know the usual signs— the ones your doctor tells you about: morning sickness, bloating, fatigue, weight gain. But there’s a whole host of other, completely legitimate indicators that no one warns you about. Thankfully, you have us to tell it like it is. Experienced any of these?

  • One minute, you feel like throwing up, the next, you’re ravenous. Sometimes you’re nauseous and starving at the same time. Awesome!
     
  • You’re so tired, you fall asleep at the most inappropriate moments, like in meetings at work.
     
  • You seem to have developed a weird beer belly—even though you haven’t been drinking any beer.
     
  • You cry during every sappy commercial on TV. 
     
  • Your sense of smell rivals the police K-9 unit’s. You can tell exactly what the neighbors are cooking for dinner and which cologne your husband put on in the other room.
     
  • You suddenly hate your husband.
     
  • You have a secret candy stash. 
     
  • You itch all over to the point where you feel like you have a skin disease (you don’t).
     
  • Without warning, your hair looks so full and luscious, you can’t help but constantly flip it around…while you’re commuting, in the grocery store check-out line, during updates with your boss…
     
  • Your rings and shoes don’t fit anymore.
     
  • Also, your favorite jeans—the ones you wear every day— have clearly shrunk. You probably just forgot to take them out of the dryer, right?
     
  • Some days, the thought of sex makes you sick to your stomach. Other days, you’re so in the mood, you feel like you just watched Sex and the City reruns.
     
  • Your face breaks out like it did when you were in middle school.
     
  • Out of the blue, you have an aversion to wine—which is like saying you suddenly hate ice cream when just the other day you ate a whole pint of Ben & Jerry’s. The universe is going haywire! 
     
  • You feel congested, but you don’t have a cold.
     
  • Little noises like your husband chewing gum and your mom filing her nails are now the world’s most annoying sounds.
     
  • Yesterday, you lectured a random stranger about her helicopter parenting. Who ARE you?

(P.S. You’re probably pregnant.)

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