We got it last summer: the dreaded letter that no parent wants to receive when their child is at overnight camp. The “I want to come home—come pick me up” letter. As my husband reached for his car keys, I assured him that letters like this are totally normal. While it might not feel good to receive a letter like this, as child psychologist and author Michael Thompson has so perfectly written about in his book Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow, children can both miss their parents and like camp at the same time. If you get a letter like this or have a scheduled phone call where your child asks to come home, here are some thoughts that will help get you through:
EXTREME HOMESICKNESS IS RARE
Your child expressing that they miss you and want to come home doesn’t mean they are miserable all day long at camp. In reality, your child is probably feeling out of their comfort zone. Extreme homesickness—when a child is inconsolable and crying all the time—is very rare and if your child is experiencing it, you will hear from the camp directly. In these cases, homesickness affects a child throughout the day where they aren’t able to enjoy camp life because of it. In these cases, it makes sense for a child to go home. This is very different from moments of homesickness.
DISCOMFORT IS WHERE GROWTH HAPPENS
As parents, we always want our children to be happy and we can be so quick to try and save our kids from any sadness or uncomfortable feelings. But the growth happens when our kids make it through a tough time. They build resilience because they made it through a challenging time. Part of the reason we send our kids to camp is to mature, become more independent and to help them learn more about who they are. This can’t happen if we pick them up the minute they feel a little uneasy.
SHARE POSITIVE MESSAGES
If you rush to “rescue” your child, you’re sending a message to your kid that you don’t believe they can be successful at camp. Oftentimes, if a child doesn’t complete the camp session, they may feel like a failure. Share positive messages in your letters and during your phone calls. Let them know you believe in them and that you know they can make it through camp.
MOMENTS OF SADNESS CAN PASS
Usually, minutes after the phone call or by the time the letter reaches your mailbox, the moment of sadness has passed. After the call, campers are back having fun in their activities. And letters written home are often written during quiet times at camp like rest hour or right before bed, when children can get deep into their own thoughts. Campers spend their days happily playing soccer, jumping in the lake, eating ice cream, zipping down the zip line, laughing with friends, learning a new camp song—participating in more activities than you can even imagine take place in just one day at camp—and sure, you’re going to hear about it if they are sad, but this doesn’t mean the sadness is happening all the time.
CALL THE DIRECTOR
If you’re worried, pick up the phone and call the director. Camp directors know how to deal with homesickness and this topic is not new to them. Ask how your child is doing and how bad the homesickness really is. This phone call will have you feeling calmer and put the homesickness in perspective for you.
PRIDE IN COMPLETING CAMP
When your child gets home from camp, they will be proud of themselves for making it through. Most times, they will look back at camp and remember all the fun times and friends—not that they missed you and wanted to come home!
— Jess Michaels has been the Director of Communications for the American Camp Association, NY and NJ, for more than thirteen years. She was an overnight camper for nine years and has two daughters who’ll be at overnight camp this summer.
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