What’s the secret to planning the perfect birthday party? Sticking to the numbers. That is, using your child’s age as the basis for all other plans. If a party plan is age-appropriate, the guest of honor and his friends are pretty much assured of having a good time. A survey of dozens of parents and party professionals yielded these suggestions and recommendations for matching a party to a child’s age.
First Birthday
Guest List
Unless you have close family and friends with babies and children your own baby knows well, there is no reason that this can’t be an adults-only affair. Stick to people who are familiar to your baby.
Timing
Schedule the event for a time when you know the baby will be amenable to being cuddled and passed from lap to lap. If you plan an adult meal, serve it during baby’s naptime or bedtime so you can enjoy yourself too!
Games and Activities
Don’t expect the little guest of honor to perform. Eating a piece of birthday cake and playing with wrapping paper will be the extent of baby’s party games. Spend your time talking with friends and family about this year’s milestones.
Favors
Instant snapshots of baby and guests make great mementos.
Refreshments
Except for cake, plan an adult menu suited to the time of day. Although many parents worry about making healthy cakes for little ones, experienced parents say that allowing a baby to play with the cake—and frosting—makes for great and memorable pictures. Don’t worry about the health aspect on this day. Not too much gets eaten anyway!
Helpful Hints
Remember, this party is really for you, not the baby. Celebrate making it through a tough 12 months. Be sure to stock up on film! Photos will be your child’s only way to remember this landmark event.
Two and Three
Guest List
The usual rule of thumb for toddler parties is to limit the number of guests to the birthday child’s age plus one: e.g. three children for a 2-year-old’s party. It’s a good idea to ask at least one parent to stay with each child at this age.
Timing
For toddlers, the best time of day is usually midafternoon, when kids have napped and are in a good mood. Avoid lunchtime parties at all costs: kids will be tired and hungry but too excited to eat—and rampant crankiness will be the result! A toddler party needs to be only one hour, and shouldn’t go longer than an hour and a half.
Games and Activities
Don’t even try to get toddlers to play organized games! Instead, plan a simple activity that they can do side-by-side, like a basic crafts project, playing in a sandbox or sprinkler, or even taking a trip to the park. A half hour of play, followed by cake and gift opening, is all kids want at this stage.
Favors
Getting a “goody bag” is a party highlight for toddlers. Make sure that all gifts are identical and that items are safe. Avoid candy, which can be a choking hazard.
Refreshments
A cake is essential; guests won’t notice anything else. Stick to basic choices, such as a plain white cake and milk or apple juice. Don’t try to plan a separate meal for parents; it will be too much work and everyone will be too busy watching their kids to appreciate it.
Helpful Hints
Be prepared for toddler tantrums, especially when struggles break out over the birthday gifts. Parents recommend opening presents right away (and then hiding them) or opening them at the very end of the party, handing out favors at the same time so everyone gets something at once.
Four and Five
Guest List
Although it is still a good idea to limit the number of guests (and many parents will swear by the age-plus-one rule for fours and fives), groups of eight kids are manageable at this stage. Children may have more fun at the party without their parents along, but the party hosts definitely will want to enlist at least one adult helper.
Timing
If most of the children are in preschool or kindergarten, schedule the event for the weekend; they will be too excited and tired to handle an after-school event. Saturday morning is highly recommended by parents; it takes advantage of kids’ high energy levels and gives the birthday child’s parents the rest of the weekend to recover!
Games and Activities
Four- and five-year-olds love mastering the rules of games, and you will find old favorites work well. Try freeze tag, tape the tail on the donkey, or even a sedate Bingo game. Entertainers such as clowns are popular choices.
Favors
Children at four and five are quite possessive, so make sure that favors can be kept close at hand. Personalized favors go over well.
Refreshments
Again, cake and ice cream are what count, and again, stick to basic flavors. Kids may enjoy getting involved with the dessert, decorating the cake (or individual cupcakes) or making homemade ice-cream sundaes. If you offer a meal, keep it simple: peanut butter and jelly, hot dogs, or pizza.
Helpful Hints
Although 4- and 5-year olds love the games and structure of a party, they are still little children. Keep the party simple, the competitive games to a minimum, and be prepared to break up squabbles and console “losers.”
Six, Seven, and Eight
Guest List
Your child will want to invite her whole school class, so make sure you are firm about limiting the guest list. Because children this age love games, make sure there are enough players to make the games exciting; professional party throwers say that groups of ten work best.
Timing
If you can fit an after-school party into your child’s extracurricular activities, it should allow plenty of time for celebrating, but not eat into the evening hours. Avoid even early-evening parties on weeknights. Two to three hours is plenty of time for kids this age.
Games and Activities
Your child will consider planning the activities a major part of the fun. School-age children love theme parties. Same-gender parties become more common. Away-from-home parties can be handled by children this age, but if you opt for this, try to pick a spot that is still new to your child’s circle of friends. At-home party games with a challenge, such as relay races and treasure hunts, go over well.
Favors
A favor linked to a theme will be a big hit, although many kids will happily settle for bags of candy or school supplies.
Refreshments
School-age children are less fussy about food, so if you plan a meal it can be a little more varied than one you might plan for fives. Letting kids take part in the cooking (a hot-dog roast, making individual pizzas or ice-cream sundaes) can provide entertainment and refreshment at the same time.
Helpful Hints
For school-age children, the planning is the thrill. Keep your child as involved as possible and follow up on as many of her ideas as you can.
Nine, Ten, and Eleven
Guest List
Be sensitive to the emergence of peer pressure and self-esteem issues as kids get closer to middle-school age. A party with a few best friends may be more enjoyable for your child than a huge blowout that doubles as a popularity contest.
Timing
The amount of time you allot depends on the number of guests and the planned activity. Saturday and Sunday afternoons work best for activities with larger groups, while Friday is the number-one sleepover night. If you or your guests go to early church services on Sunday morning, avoid Saturday slumber parties.
Games and Activities
At this age, kids like to assert their independence, planning events like a trip to the movies that involve a degree of separation from their parents. Kids also love doing something “very grown up,” like taking a limo ride or having dessert at a downtown hotel. This is the prime age for sleepovers.
Favors
Although kids this age may consider favors a little “babyish,” they’ll secretly enjoy a gift. Tie the present to the activity: a small makeup bag for an overnight party, or sunglasses for a trip to a water park.
Refreshments
A most important caveat from parents: stock up on midnight snacks if a sleepover is planned. If you are going somewhere, like a ball park or a movie, it’s a good idea to set a limit on what you’ll pay for, such as a small drink and a popcorn for each child. Otherwise, the tab can mount quickly.
Helpful Hints
As your child’s friendships become more important, planning a party that will go over well with peers is important. Be honest about your budget and stress the value of being with good friends, not competing for the biggest extravaganza.
Twelve and Up
Guest List
According to parents, most preteens and teens have the fantasy (secret or otherwise) of having at least one huge party. Negotiating a major celebration for, say, a 16th birthday, and agreeing to smaller events for other years can be an effective strategy. The guest list is up to your child, but be sure to discuss the budget up front.
Timing
Your teen will most certainly want a weekend evening bash. If plans call for a late night, be sure to discuss curfews and rides home well in advance to avoid conflicts—or being pressed into service as a shuttle—the night of the party.
Games and Activities
Let your child plan the activities, and count on lots of music and dancing. Out-of-the-house parties are very popular with teens. From miniature golf to skating to amusement parks, teens like to be active. Some parents negotiate for an at-home party (for their own peace of mind) in exchange for promising to stay out of the way.
Favors
Teens will consider the event itself a gift, although you might have a few gag gifts (like rock-star sunglasses) as a nostalgic touch.
Refreshments
Some teens enjoy planning and serving an elaborate dinner party for their friends. For most, however, an offer to pay for a couple of takeout pizzas will be the best bet. Don’t forget a cake, even if it’s just for a family dinnertime celebration.
Helpful Hints
Teens do demand a lot of independence at parties. But parents don’t have to be invisible. Walk through unobtrusively every once in a while—but don’t stay too long.
Rebecca Poynor Burns is a freelance writer from Atlanta.
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