By the time my wife was halfway through pregnancy with our first son, we decided that I’d be—gulp—a stay-at-home dad. Four years later, I’ve gotten the hang of it, I think, but that doesn’t mean to suggest that in the first few weeks I didn’t feel what many dads do: While my baby tolerated me, I wasn’t the parent of choice.
After delivery, I went back to work for one final month. In my cube, I’d stare at pictures they’d text me throughout the day, barely biding my time until I could return to be with them. Yet, I would later arrive home to find myself feeling like an imposter, a trespasser in an impenetrable cave called the nursery.
A memory from this time includes changing this little screecher’s diaper, thinking, He doesn’t want me. After having been counseled to do so, I interspersed bird tweets and dog woofs as I applied butt butter, and was met with a curious smile from the changing table. How did she know to do that? I wondered. How'd she figure that out?
Would I ever learn the ropes?
I’ve since learned that motion beats meditation. Trial and error is better than being tentative and fearful and frustrated, so I decided to just run with my role with the reasonable expectation that it'd grow. I’m no expert, but hopefully the following bro-vice will help my fumbling brethren evolve beyond feeling like perpetual photo-bombers.
Pick your project (or several).
Prior to your new tenant’s arrival, take charge of baby-proofing the house and selecting the best gear. You’ll feel like a team-player, not a third string.
Get in on feeding time.
Breast is best, and dads don’t lactate, but we can get up at night when the baby awakes and carry him to Mom. There’s nothing like the 4 am hour to bond you with your baby—and his Mommy.
Take your shirt off.
Skin-to-skin contact works for Dad, too. Since it’s important to have your baby be able to fall asleep without nursing or the bottle, make bedtime your time and sing him to sleep. Softly-rendered Blue Oyster Cult tunes work as well as anything.
Real men explore.
Buckle up that Baby Bjorn and take the baby out for a walk, “explaining” everything you encounter along the way. Your new buddy will like it as much as you.
John Pitsios is, among other things, a stay-at-home dad to two toddlers.
More on Dads and Parenting from NJ Family:
