Alison Bucalo

Halloween has a lot to love—for some people. Others like myself hate Halloween.

1. Don’t fool yourself, if you’ve never made the costume, you won’t make it this year, either. 

This week, my almost 5 year old wants to be Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy. You know, the big tree! So, I searched Pinterest, got a ton of ideas and developed a false sense of confidence. I have weeks to make it, but I’ll wait until the last minute and then buy it somewhere for a million dollars. How do I know this? Because it happens EVERY YEAR.

2. You have to buy too much candy. 

Let’s be honest: Since there’s nothing worse than hiding in your house with the lights off because you ran out of candy, you have to buy a ton extra. The 10 pounds I gain from eating the leftovers will be well worth the embarrassment of being THAT house.

 3. The pressure to avoid being THAT house.

In addition to having enough candy, I want to make sure I have the good stuff! When I was a kid, I couldn’t tell you who gave me the Hershey’s Kisses, but I could point out the house that handed out the black licorice or even worse—toothbrushes. Not on my watch, kids.

4. To dress up or not dress up? 

Look, I don’t need the added pressure of finding a costume for myself. Plus, what do I even want to be? Do I need to coordinate with my husband? The kids? Can I just get away with a wig or do I need to go all out? Am I lame if I do nothing?

5. The bell never. stops. ringing.  

From 5 pm to 9 pm I must answer the door 200 hundred times. I’ve tried sitting near the door but then no one comes (and I feel creepy). I suppose I could leave a bowl outside with a note: “Take One,” but really, who just takes one and how un-Halloween is that?  The upside is that the constant up/down burns off the extra weight I put on from eating too much candy.

6. No costume, no candy. 

You spent time, money and patience finding the perfect costume for your kid.

You searched the Internet, bought the one he wanted, returned it when he changed his mind and bought another one. You helped him get dressed, walked him around, stopped three times for potty breaks and finally made it home to give out your own candy. So, what’s more annoying than when a big kid knocks on your door not wearing a costume? NOTHING.

7. Newsflash: Kids are scared of scary stuff.

And the scary stuff is kind of the most fun thing about Halloween. Shopping at the mall is a real adventure when stores start decorating in August. Eerie music, creepy masks, strobe lights…thanks Target for totally freaking out my kids two whole months before Halloween.

Do you hate Halloween, too? Let us know in the comments.

—Alison Bucalo is a mom of two boys and lives in Ridgewood, NJ.