Shopping for presents, planning meals and getting the house decorated cause extra stress this time of year. Here are some tips on how to navigate the season so you can feel more relaxed and have some fun:
Understand the Cause of Stress
To begin, it is important to understand that stress is not “caused” by something outside of us. Stress is created by our internal resistance to our environment. Once you begin to understand that stress is created within, you begin to work at it from the correct place.
Look Out For The Word “Should”
The word “should” is at the root of most of your stress. The word “should” implies that you know something should be different than it already is. Maintaining the belief that things should be different than they are causes us to resist that specific situation, thereby activating stress. For example, if it is raining outside on Thanksgiving and you believe it should be sunny. You will resist the fact it is raining and begin to believe that the rain is “causing you stress” when it is your resistance to the rain that is actually causing you stress.
Navigate Triggers
A lot of my clients report that the holidays can be “triggering.” So let’s talk about how to navigate triggers. A triggering event is simply when you have an overreaction emotionally to a situation. We often perceive that the situation caused the emotional reaction, but if that was true then everyone around you would have had the same exact emotional experience as you. But that doesn’t happen. So when you experience a trigger simply understand that emotions that have been suppressed in the body are coming to the surface. Instead of projecting them onto your environment, embrace triggers as opportunities for emotional release rather than seeing them as external problems.
So when Uncle Pete pulls up your annual holiday dinner and you start feeling upset, that’s a time to release, not yell at Uncle Pete.
Stop Comparing
This one is straightforward: stop comparing yourself to the past or other people in general. Comparison leads us to use the word should, which as we discussed above, causes more stress in your life. If you want a more stress-free holiday experience, don’t compare these holidays to past holidays, and don’t compare your experience to others. Simply be grateful for everything right in front of you.
Let Go of Expectations
This falls along the same lines as comparison. Another major cause of stress is holding rigid beliefs about how things “should” happen (there’s that word again). There’s nothing wrong with setting up plans. But when things veer off course, as they usually do, do your best to smile and roll with it.
By addressing these deeper causes of stress, you can experience the holiday season with greater ease and less stress.
Matt Codde, LCSW, is the founder of Restored Minds and author of “From Stuck to UnStuck” newly released on Amazon.
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