Garden State Moms: A Q&A with Denise McVey 

Morris County resident Denise McVey, 42, is mom to 3½-year-old Brennan, stepmother to Murphy, 17, and the owner of a Boonton-based advertising, marketing, and public relations firm.

Her marriage to husband Tom is nothing short of a digital-age fairy tale, thanks to an online dating service. They had an intense, whirlwind romance: Tom told Denise he loved her on their first date, they shopped for the ring on day 17, and four months later, they were married on an island in Greece. This February 14 marks their fifth Valentine’s Day together.

Q: What inspired you to use an Internet dating site?
A: Within the past decade, everything has moved online. I shop for my pets online, my nanny, my house, my car—so, I thought, what a great place to try and find my husband! I was working late hours and traveling across the country every other week. I didn’t want to date a client or an employee, and the thought of hanging out in bars was unappealing.

Even though I was a little embarrassed, and they were making fun of me at work, I went on Match.com and identified four men. I ended up speaking with two of them, one of whom was Tom. He swept me off my feet from the very first phone call. I felt like I won the lottery.

Q: How did your friends and family react?
A: My family thought I was crazy at first, but as soon as they met him, they said, “Oh, he’s perfect for you.”

It wasn’t really surprising for them. I’m very efficient and driven, and when I make up my mind to do something, I do it. I wanted to find the perfect husband and father, and I wanted to find him now.

Q: Let’s fast forward. What’s your life like now, as a business owner, a wife, and a mother?
A: Not a day goes by when I’m not doing something personal at work, and I’m usually doing some work at home at night. You definitely cross boundaries when you own a business and have a family, but I make tremendous efforts to spend time with my husband and kids—it’s my whole reason for being here.

Q: What are some other things you do to help strike that work-life balance?
A: There’s only so much of me to go around. Honestly, I don’t always find the balance between work and home—but I try my hardest.

I don’t go to every networking event under the sun anymore; I pick and choose which events will take me away from my family. I always try to get home in time to say goodnight. I only commute coast-to-coast four times a year now, and I do have a nanny I can count on and who has become part of the family.

Q: Your relationship with Tom progressed extremely quickly. How do you keep that romance and excitement alive?
A: You have to make the time, whether it’s asking Grandma to come over so you can go out together, or taking the day off from work. We have to pencil our dates in now, and maybe it’s not as spontaneous as it once was, but it’s still exciting.

Romance, to me, means long-term commitment and consistency. It’s about caring for that person and wanting to do little things to make their life better in big and small ways…whether it’s sending a card to the office or bringing home a $10 bouquet of flowers once in a while.

Jennifer L. Nelson is a freelance writer from Kenilworth, New Jersey.

Illustration by Colleen Johnson.

February 2010